George,

 GP> I did tyhat once, as a joke, when visiting my former wprkplace; buddy
 GP> took me out of hos[iotal for lunch. My boss was footing the bill for us
 GP> both. I asked for the order pad & wrote "fur burger & a side of
 GP> thighs"; I saw the carhop discussing with the cook through the service
 GP> window, looking at the paper, then at me several times before bringing
 GP> me my food.  The carhop explained nobody could read my writing(true
 GP> story of my life); I ended up with a dish burger & some fries. . .
 GP> good enough!

  A lady I square danced with years ago (last time I saw her, was at a 
local PetsMart store with her husband (my wife was with me as well). She 
had undergone knee replacement surgery, and no longer was dancing. She had
a deal on her keychain that said "Sexual Harassment Welcome Here". 
The thing is, you have to be careful who you do that to, nowadays.

 >   I had to save some money, so I terminated the subscription. It was $50
 > a year; but right now, finances are tighter than a frog's butt underwater.

 GP> and that's watertight!

  That's like the two guys in the locker room shower, and one notices that
another one has a hard cork up his butt. Curious, he asked his friend what
happened. He's told "I was walking along the beach, and stubbed my toe on
this bottle. A genie came out, and said "I can grant you any wish", and I
said "No $***??". :P

 GP> Q: Why doesn’t Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?
 GP> A: They’re technically Elf-employed

  See my last message on the song with the elves quitting.

 GP> I am trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the companies
 GP> keep denying my application.
 GP> They told me, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”

Q: What did the hurricane tell the coconut tree??
A: Hold on to your nuts -- this is going to be one heck of a blow job. 

 GP> My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in
 GP> reincarnation.
 GP> They said I have a pre existing condition.

  That's just reconstituting evaporated milk.

 GP> Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old
 GP> car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.
 GP> They stole the sticker and left the car.

  Par for the course.

 GP> A fishing boat recently capsized when the fish on one side of the net
 GP> all swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.
 GP> They argued it was an act of cod.

  And, the claimant was left floundering, told he just did it for the
halibut...and all he could exclaim was "GAR!!". 

 GP> Medical office had a picture of Christopher Walken on the door with
 GP> "Walkins welcome".

  If he left Scott there, did he walk out Scott Free??

 GP> We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their
 GP> cars. They're driving wrecklessly.

  It's not my driving I worry about...it's everyone else's.

 GP> GF: I learned a lot about insurance at work today. Specifically high
 GP> risk pools.
 GP> Me: I don't like high risk pools...unless there are at least two life
 GP> guards on duty.

  I'd be more worried of folks peeing and pooping in the pool. :P

 GP> (The look of disgust is something I'll cherish forever)

  You know what they say about paybacks...

Daryl

... A bird in the hand is a dirty hand.
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