You just might be a first-time BBS SysOp if...

  your BBS' opening screen contains the word "Shareware,"
  "Unregistered," or "Evaluation Copy."

  your caller's are greeted with a  CONNECT 300  message.

  you interrupt a caller's download, telling them to "knock it
  off because your mother wants to talk to her sister."

  your definition of modem is, "Twice as much as someone else
  has.  As in 'I have modem you do, suckah!'"

  your BBS' screen artwork was produced by your BBS's author.

  requests for file xfers result in a caller being dropped
  into the C:\ root directory of your computer.

  your early-morning caller's hear three rings followed by a
  sleepy, "Yeah hello?  Who's this... Hello?  Is someone
  there?"

  the only xfer protocol available is ASCII

  your Call-Back Verifier's policy is "If they read the
  bulletin regarding how to use the CBV, they're verified!"

  your definition of baud is, "That which your Speedos cover."

  your BBS is "Off-Line" one week prior to Final Exams (your
  roommate has to write that term paper).

  "Adult Access" refers to any adult who enters your room and
  says, "Shut that thing off, son... Your uncle and I want to
  play DOOM II!"
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32