>   I think of the joke where the priest gets pulled over for erratic 
driving,
 > and he's apparently drunk. When the cop sees the bottles, and smells wine
 > on the priest's breath, he asks him what was in the bottles. The priest 
said
 > "water". When the cop asked "How do you explain the wine breath??", the
 > priest said "OMG, He did it again!!". 

One of my faves!

Not only gas was in the tank that day!

 >  GP> Couple days a weekwhen woriking at A&W, I'd stiop at Burger King on 
the
 >  GP> ay home & have a double cheesburger, flame-grilled, as a bedtime 
snack.

 >   I prefer the burgers from Burger King, as they're not "swimming in
 > grease". But the flame broiled taste sets my acid reflux off something
 > fierce. There
 > is an A&W in Ravenna, Ohio, near Kent. The one that was in Hot Springs,
 > Arkansas, closed down years ago.

Here, the A&W are the ones not swimming in grease - of course -- A Canadian
started A&W originally!

 >   I remember I had regular customers, who'd order the same thing every 
time.

I respect stores who remember me & acknowledge my regularity (so I keep it 
up)

One local pizza restaurant would invariably not have any fresh hot 99c slices
for lunch, so I didn't do as my neighbour did, & order something else, I
turnedright around & went elsewhgere to eat.

While she was still complaining how they never had what she wanted, they're
calling me over  to say I can call them ahead of time with my preferred 
slices & they'll put a pizza in fresh for me, saving the preferred slices 
(was a combo of 2/3 meat lovers & 1/3 double cheese); I always washed my food
down with bottled grapewfruit(whitre, unsweetened) juice; they kept running
out, as they bought combo cases (8 orange, 8 apple,8 grapefruit, only when 
all 3 were low or out); fnially, I'd ask if they hasd any new grapefruit 
juice on hearing, no,I'd turn around & go. . .

After a week, I'm wjheeling on my way to my volunteer job, wshen I hear
shouting -- one of the owners, on a bike, saw me & came to tell me they'd
bought a 24-pack of just grapefruit, with 16 bottles hidden in the back 
cooler for my priority use!

I was happy to make them my first priority for a lunch out in the
neighbourhood! Until they got an offer they couldn't refuse & sold the place
to a family who obviously only wanted profits, so I soon quit going. . .

Kangaroo 911: “What’s your emergency?” 
Kangaroo: “I can’t find my children” 
Kangaroo 911: “Did you check your pockets?” 
Kangaroo: “Oh nevermind.”

Customer Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.” 
Bob: “Ok.”
Customer Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?” 
Bob: “No.”
Customer Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?” 
Bob: “No.”
Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?”
Bob: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”

 >  GP> Nothing wrong with determining your own unique moderation levels.

 >   Especially when you don't have the funds to form it.

That'll keep you 'honest,' yup. . . :) 

 >   I like what cattle auctioneer Blaine Lotz said at one auction..."Let's
 > turn this beef into cash".  His Mom, Carla, was an auctioneer, and
 > that's where he got his talent from. He did win the world championship
 > a few years back, and he works a lot at the sale barn in Emporia, Kansas.

I was at our annual western exhibition oneyear with a friend.  They had, in
front of the main barn the record-breaking biggest bull.

I said to my friend, "Wow, that's a lot of hamburgers!"

Now I dunno if they trained him, but he began lumbering his head back & forth
as if saying, "NooooOOOOoooooo"

 >  GP> A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving
 >  GP> the burger, the man says to the burger, “Burger, can you help me with
 >  GP> my urinary tract infection?”.
 >  GP> “No”, replies the burger, “but I can tell you you’re going to need an
 >  GP> umbrella later.”
 >  GP> “Oh, sorry”, said the man, “I thought you were a meaty urologist”.

 >   You have too much time on your hands.

I didn't write it. . . :) 

Q: Did you hear about the prisons new creative writing department?
A: It's called "Prose and Cons"

My creative writing teacher told me to submit a creative 2,000 word essay.
So, I gave her 2 pictures.

Got dadjoked by a 9 year old girl
Friend: I don't think I'm gonna take the essay part of the SAT if it's
optional now 
Little Sister: But then you'll only be taking a T

The mom's in the room were really confused at first then groaned. I for one
know a dad joke when I hear one.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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