>   Speaking of pork...at a local BBQ place, there was this sign:

 >   "I Like My Butt Rubbed, And My Pork Pulled". 

At least they didn't reference jerking their meat!

 >   Really. I saw one blooper of a guy who slid into first (he was safe);
 > but he almost got "out", as he dropped his pants to shake out the dirt,
 > then realized where he was. 

Why would he slide into first? I was taught, in Little League, that it's the
one base you never need to slide into. . .

 >   The thing is, true love waits. And, the only 100% percent effective 
birth
 > control method is abstinence...although I've known some women who think 
you
 > get pregnant by osmosis. :P

Yup -- as I counsel teens "f***ing makes babies" (these are today's street
wise ones who need to hear it in plain language, as the typical stuff
obviously wasn't getting through)

Explain this osmosisd thing, vis-a-vis regnancy?

True story; only funny cuz it wasn't us:

In California, aguy was accused of being the father of a teen girl's baby.  
He denied it, on the basis they were only friends & had nevere had sex -- the
paternirty test cleared him.  

On appeaL, the judge ordered him to pay child supprt until the child turned
18, because "a child needs two parents."

About as bad as the gal on Maury Povich, who had 2 guys at a time, three 
times in to test all 6 for paternity; all were negative.

She tried to come on again with 3 new guys accused of being the dad, but 
Maury drew that line there. . .

These incidents should be funny, but they're too real for that. . .

Q: What is another name for a paternity test?
A: A pop quiz!

Did you hear about the place in Indiana that does paternity testing?
It's called "Hoosier Daddy"

9 months really isn't that long...
It just feels like a maternity.

My son just became a father for the first time today and in passing on the
paternal torch...
...when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him that they were
stored in my dadabase.…

My kid asked "GROSS!! How can you fart so much!?!?"
I said, "That's just what happens when you become a dad... all of these
paternal in-stinks just start coming out!"

Drew Carey has created a new paternity reality show
It's called, "who's loin is it anyway..."

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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