> "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can
 > order six?" 
 >  
 > "That's right." 
 >  
 > So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. 

I forgot the best one:

  The following is a *true* story.
  -------------------------------------------------------------
          
  On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h
  I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat.  In my billfold is 
  a $50 bill and a $2 bill.  That is all of the cash I have on my person.
  I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to 
  worry about people getting pissed at me.
          
  ME:  "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go." 
  IT:  "Is that it?"
  ME:  "Yep."
  IT:  "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
  ME:  "No, it's *to* *go*."  [I hate effort duplication.]
          
  At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill.  He looks at it 
  kind of funny and
          
  IT:  "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
          
  He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot.  The 
  following conversation occurs between the two of them.
          
  IT:  "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
  MG:  "No.  A what?"
  IT:  "A $2 bill.  This guy just gave it to me."
  MG:  "Ask for something else, there's no such thing as a $2 bill."
  IT:  "Yeah, thought so."
          
  He comes back to me and says
          
  IT:  "We don't take these.  Do you have anything else?" 
  ME:  "Just this fifty.  You don't take $2 bills?  Why?" 
  IT:  "I don't know."
  ME:  "See here where it says legal tender?" 
  IT:  "Yeah."
  ME:  "So, shouldn't you take it?"
  IT:  "Well, hang on a sec."
          
  He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to 
  shoplift, and
          
  IT:  "He says I have to take it."
  MG:  "Doesn't he have anything else?"
  IT:  "Yeah, a fifty.  I'll get it and you can open the safe and get 
change."

  MG:  "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
  IT:  "What should I do?"
  MG:  "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money." 
  IT:  "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
  MG:  "Just tell him."
  IT:  "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
          
  The manager approaches me and says
          
  MG:  "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night."
            [it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well-lit
             indoor mall with 100 other stores.]
  ME:  "Well, here's a two."
  MG:  "We don't take *those* either." 
  ME:  "Why the hell not?"
  MG:  "I think you *know* why."
  ME:  "No really, tell me, why?"
  MG:  "Please leave before I call mall security." 
  ME:  "Excuse me?"
  MG:  "Please leave before I call mall security." 
  ME:  "What the hell for?"
          
  MG:  "Please, sir."
  ME:  "Uh, go ahead, call them."
  MG:  "Would you please just leave?"
  ME:  "No."
  MG:  "Fine, have it your way then."
  ME:  "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
          
          
  At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone 
  around the corner.  I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, 
  and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.  A few minutes later this 
  45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a 
  whisper]
          
  SG:  "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
  MG:  "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money." 
  SG:  "Really?  What?"
  MG:  "Get this, a *two* dollar bill."
  SG:  "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?"  [incredulous]
  MG:  "I don't know?  He's kinda weird.  Says the only other thing he has is
           a fifty."
  SG:  "So, the fifty's fake?"
  MG:  "NO, the $2 is."
  SG:  "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
  MG:  "I don't know.  Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?" 
  SG:  "Yeah..."
          
  Security guard walks over to me and says
          
  SG:  "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use." 
  ME:  "Uh, no."
  SG:  "Lemme see 'em."
  ME:  "Why?"
  SG:  "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
          
  At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so 
  I said
          
  ME:  "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
          
  I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a 
  swing at him.  He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, 
  and says
          
  SG:  "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?" 
  MG:  "It's fake."
  SG:  "It doesn't look fake to me."
  MG:  "But it's a **$2** bill."
  SG:  "Yeah?"
  MG:  "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
          
  The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it 
  dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
          
  My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon 
  things, too.  Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see 
  what happens when I try to buy stuff.  If I got the right group of 
  people, I could probably end up in jail.  At least you get free food.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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