George,

 GP> Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
 GP> A: He gave her a ring

  I said that to a friend a couple of years ago, saying "if I run into
computer problems, I'll give him a ring..." -- and he interrupted with
"Boy!! You're a pervert and a cheap date!! You want to go right to the
wedding and honeymoon, but you're not my type!!"...and he and his wife
were laughing raucously. My response?? "I am so red!!" :P

 GP> Q: How did Samuel win the work talent show at the mobile phone factory?
 GP> A: Sam sung

  Did he get the prize for a song??

 GP> Q: Why did Mr Potato have a mobile phone?
 GP> A: Just in case Mr Onion rings.

  If you hear an onion ring, please answer it.

 GP> A man got pulled over for using his mobile phone
 GP> He explained to that it was a call from his wife, so he wasn't talking
 GP> on the phone, just listening.
 GP> The cops let him go.

  Really.

 GP> I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile
 GP> phone.
 GP> Now it's Hans free.

  You can what you can Gretel.

 GP> I'd eat an ice cream sandwich that had a layer of dill pickle chips
 GP> inside!

  They have some wild flavor brands out there.

 GP> Maybe Old Dutch is only a Canadian brand. . .

  Possibly.

 GP> My wife is same, but they pulled Freedent from Canada, so we've since
 GP> found a few that are good for her dentures. I got 30+ filings, so I got
 GP> to be careful if agum is too sticky. . .

  I had all my teeth removed 21 years ago...but since these dentures fit
so perfectly, I don't need any Fixodent, Poli-Grip, etc.

 GP> I've no experience with Lye, but haveheard it is almost pure alkali, so
 GP> yeah, it'll burn your skin easily, & blind you as easily.

  It's sodium hydroxide...nasty stuff.

 GP> We had the fruit cocktail on occasion ("packed in water," not syrup);
 GP> my brother & I always fought overthe cherries.  Now that I never eat
 GP> them, they have one out: "extra cherries"

  For his birthday one year, my brother got a gallon jar of Maraschino
Cherries...he got burned out on them, and never ate them again.

 GP> I tried a new thing for my breafast yesterday -- mango salsa (but no
 GP> spice, so I called it mango fruit salad & it was good, but not as a
 GP> chip dip)

  My brother is allergic to mango skin, but he can eat mangoes.

 GP> Are slugs just snails that have gone through a divorce?
 GP> “Yep, she got the house”

  They must have had a salty conversation.

 GP> Q: What is a slugs favorite mode of transportation?
 GP> A: A Snailboat.

  If it's cold in the arctic circle, is it a snowboat to China?

 GP> I thought I’d try snail racing
 GP> My tactic was if I take the shells off, they’ll be lighter and quicker,
 GP> All it did was make them a bit sluggish

  Maybe they needed jet engines. :P

 GP> Q: What do you do when you see two snails boxing?
 GP> A: Nothing, you gotta let ‘em slug it out.

  That may take awhile...accusing each other of a salt.

 GP> If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight, there would
 GP> be mass confusion

  We should support the Metric System every inch of the way.

Daryl

... Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii??
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