> Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
 > A: Childbirth.

It's worked for umpteen millennia, but now they want to switch it up; a
possibly(probably) true Los Angeles story:

A: I heard you just had a baby?
B: Yes.
A: Is it a boy or a girl?
B: How should I know? It's not old enough to TELL me yet!

I used to tell people, "I hope to have three kids -- one of each." & let THEM
figure it out!

 > Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
 > A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Ray Romano does a funny stand up bit about his twins, & speaks of the key
difference betweebn boys & girls.

When you change a girl, t here may be some addtoinal dribble onto the new
diaper.  When you change a boy, you have a little laser dot on your forehead.
. . target acquired, FIIIIRRE!!!! 


 > Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
 > normal again?
 > A: When the kids are in college.

This is the new normal. HAH! Kids are your punishment for enjoying sex!

In the first few months of my wife's pregnancy she wasn't showing
The baby was inapparent

Bought a home pregnancy test.
Turns out, my house is pregnant.

I got my wife 4 pregnancy tests and they all came back positive
She’s now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.

Gerald, a young bull elephant was using the bathroom at his girlfriend's
Bethany's apartment when he noticed one of those little pregnancy test 
things, tucked behind the cupboard...
... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window
with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told
me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk
twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him
the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully
avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints
whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

My wife's pregnany lasted so long it seemed like a maternity.

You have reached the pregnancy hotline...
If you'd like to speak to a physician, dial 1... if you are currently in
labor, dial 8...

Last night while discussing our options and what could possibly happen, my
girlfriend said "I have such a gut feeling I'm pregnant" and gave me the
slyest look I've ever seen.

Q: What do programmers call an unplanned pregnancy?
A: Fetal error.

I have felt heavily invested in my wife’s pregnancy ever since she first told
me.
After all, I provided the seed money.

Q: What happens after pregnancy?
A: gnancy

True story: I worked at a Crisis Pregnancy counselling centre;  While
entering in the comment cards, one had in answer to, "What could we do to
improve your experience?": "Maybe some soft lighting & music."

I said: "Isn't that what got her here in the first place?"; my boss liked it
so much she put it, anonymously, into the next newsletter.
-=-
I asked my sister how her pregnancy is going. My dad interrupts, "Swell!"

A Girl takes a Pregnancy Test, then looks her Boyfriend dead in the eyes and
says:
Your Kid in Me!

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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