It's nice that I have learned that I can have small,
or large, triumphs amidst the struggle of life.
I've really been struggling emotionally of late. I'm
sure some of that is due to the fact that physical pain
has been so bad, but it has been hard to take things as
they come, to not worry, and not to act destructively.
BUT, in the midst of all the ptsd and memories and
dealing with hard things in therapy; in the midst of 
feeling guilt that isn't mine in regards to what
happened to my brother and sister or a child I have
contact with; I haven't acted on the impulses to hurt
myself.
At first I thought it was a real failure that I had to
give someone my sharp knives for a while because I was
struggling with wanting to cut and wanting to cut my
wrists. But after being told this a couple of times, I
realize that this is a good thing. That I am taking
steps to keep myself safe during the hard times.
I'm setting boundaries, even though it is extremely
hard for me, and in the babysitting situation I feel
guilty, but that is part of taking care of me as well.
Just as screening my calls so that I don't add to the
stress while my support system and therapist are away.
I've chosen to do craft projects or write letters in
order to keep from feeling overwhelmed. I haven't
picked up the phone and called someone like the
date line which would only add more problems to my life.
So I am proud that I am doing good in amidst the struggle.
I still struggle with food..going from eating to much to
eating to little, but I am trying to eat healthy and if
I do feel a need to binge I try to make it with healthy
foods.
My doctor says that since April my chloresteral has
dropped down to normal and the percentages are good so that
means that amidst the struggle I must be doing something
right!
Anyway, hard as it is it is nice that I can notice the
positive in what I am doing to take care of myself now
that I didn't do a number of years ago!
Wendy
@>-->---
... Living longer and prospering more than I would without recovery...
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
--- Maximus 3.01
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