>  GP> Nice! I don't do Telnet -- not as simple as it was in DOS. . . or
 >  GP> Win98. . .

 >  GP> If you have HTTP access, I'm deffo interested to visit!

 >   It has a website interface, but once everything gets moved, I'll see 
what 
 > it does. I'm hoping everything will work OK.

Let me know. . . :) 

 >   We were dealing with multiple rounds of severe weather the last few days
 > and overnight...but we've got 3 quiet weather days until the weekend, and
 > early next week.

Looks like pure Heaven out my window now-- sunny & warm at 10h15. . . :) 

 >  GP> Yup -- Conunction Junction, I'm Just a Bill, Lolly Lolly, Get Your
 >  GP> Adverbs Here, stand out in my memory. . .

 >   I forgot to mention I'm just a Bill...and it wasn't Clinton. Ironically,
 > a local user is Bill Clinton, but it's not the one that got cozy with
 > Monica. This one is also an amateur radio operator, and used to run a BBS
 > in the area years ago.

You mean your first black president, with the Monica thing, right?

 >  GP> I'll have to look them up. . . Two of my fave all time clean comics,
 >  GP> who tell funny tales are:  John Pinette(RIP), & Bob Newhart. . . they
 >  GP> live on, on YouTube, of course. . .

 >   Bob Newhart "lives" in another hobby I do...ham radio. On the Kentucky
 > D-Star Net, Net Control is Larry (NN4H is his callsign), with Darrell
 > (AC4YD is his callsign), and the other brother Daryl (me)(WX4QZ is my
 > callsign). 

I watched that series (one of 3 sitcoms he did using his own name as title)
but what I really like his his stage comedy "teling stories"; he does a one
sided conversation in which you can easily picture the other half, on
manytopics.

One of the best is a bus driver's school, or Driving School. . .

THE DRIVING INSTRUCTOR
by
Bob Newhart


As I said, there was a thing in the paper tonight about documentaries 
and I have had an idea for a long time for what I think is a wonderful
documentary, which has everything. For instance, you go to work, you 
come home at night and you never really think about it. It's mechanical, 
it's routine. But there are a group of men who every day when they go 
to work never know if that night they will return, because they face 
death in one hundred different ways. And I am talking about America's 
driving instructors. I would like to present the first episode in the 
new tv series called, "The Driving Instructor". Now I would like to 
have you picture if you would, I'm the driving instructor and seated 
next to me is a woman driver.

divider

How do you do?...
Erm, you're Mrs. Webb, is that right?...
Oh, I see you've had one lesson already, who was the instructor on 
that Mrs. Webb?...
Mr. Adams...
I'm sorry, here it is. Mr. Adams. Just let me read ahead and kind of
familiarize myself with the case...
Erm, how fast were you going when Mr. Adams jumped from the car?...
Sev..., Seventy-five. And, and where was that?...
In your driveway...
How far had Mr. Adams gotten in the lesson?...
Backing out...
I see, you were backing out at seventy-five and that's, that's when 
he jumped....
Did he cover starting the car?...
And the other way of stopping?...
What's the other way of stopping?...
Throwing it in reverse...
that's, that would do it, you're right, that would do it...
Erm, alright you want to start the car?...
Uh, Mrs. Webb you just turned on the lights, you want to start the 
car...
They all look alike, don't they?...
No, I don't know why they design them that way...
Erm, alright let's pull out into traffic...
Now, what's the first thing we're going to do before we pull out into 

Well, I mean besides praying...
No, what I had in mind was checking the rear view mirror...
You see we always want to check the rear...
DON'T PULL OUT !!!...
Erm, please don't cry...
I'm sorry... but there was this bus, Mrs. Webb...
Oh, alright, the lane is clear is now, you want to pull out?...
Oh, now that wasn't bad at all, you might try it a little slower next 
time....
Alright, let's get up a bit more speed and gradually ease it into 
second...
Well, I didn't want to cover reverse this early but as long as you 
have shifted into it...
Of course you're nervous...
I'm nervous!...
I'm not just saying that, I'm really, I'm really very nervous...
Well, just don't pay any attention to their honking....
You're doing fine...
You're not blocking anyone's lane...
No, as long as you are here on the safety island, you are not blocking
anyone's lane...
Oh, alright you want to start the car?...
Oh, while you are turning the lights off, why don't you turn off the
heater?...
Alright, there we are, let's get up a bit of speed...
That's the way...
Now let's practice some turns. Um, the important thing on turns is not 
to make them too sharp, just kind of make a gradual...
Now that was fine...
That was a wonderful turn...
It's hard for me to believe you only had two lessons after you make 
a turn like...
Are you sure you haven't had more now?...
I find that very difficult to believe...
One little thing...
This is a one way street...
Well, no, no, actually it was partially my fault, you see, but, uh, you 
were in the left hand lane and you were signaling left, and I just more 
or less assumed you were going to turn left.
SAME TO YOU, FELLA!!!...
No, no, I don't know what he said Mrs. Webb...
Um, alright let's pull into the alley up there, uh, and practice a little
alley driving...
This is uh, this is something a lot of the schools leave out and we think 
it is pretty...
YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST MRS. WEBB!!!...
You were up around sixty and that's kind of a sharp turn there...
Alright, just drive down the alley, that's the way...
Oh, Mrs. Webb, maybe we better stop here...
Well, I don't think you are going to make it between the truck and the
building...
Mrs. Webb?...
Mrs. Webb...
I...
Mrs. Webb, I, I ...
I don't think you are going...
MRS. WEBB?.....
I real...
I...
I really didn't think you were going to MAKE IT....
That just shows we can be wrong too...
No, no, I'll get out on your side, that's alright.
Oh, Mrs. Webb, uh, maybe it might be a good idea if we went over 
to the driving area. They have a student driver area over a few 
blocks away and maybe traffic throws you, maybe that's the 
problem...
Well, turn here on the street...
Right...
And it's only about a block up...
Alright, turn right here...
Well, now that was my fault again...
You see, I meant the next street. Not this man's lawn...
Oh, sir, sir... sir, would you mind turning off the sprinkler?...
For just a...
Newly seeded?...
Is that right?...
That's always the way, isn't it? Ha! ha!...
I don't suppose it is so funny!...
Oh, alright Mrs. Webb, you want to back out and get off the man's...
Creeping bent, is that right...
Yea, just back out, Mrs. Webb...
Thank you very much, sir for...
Oh, now we've hit someone Mrs. Webb...
Oh, remember you're going to watch the rear view mirror, remember 
we covered that...
The red light blinded you?...
The flashing red light blinded you?...
The flashing red light on the car you hit blinded you?...
Yes, officer, she was just telling me about it...
Um, alright...
Alright, erm, Mrs. Webb...
I am going to have to go with the officer to the police station...
Erm, they don't believe it and they'd like, they'd like me to describe 
it...
And now the other officer is going to get into the car and he is going 
to drive you back to the driving school and then you are to meet us at 
the police station.
Erm, my name is Frank Dexter, Mrs Webbb...
Why do you ask?...
You want to be sure and get me next time???

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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