George,

 GP> Billy: Is your dog friendly?
 GP> Bob: yup
 GP> Billy: *pets dog*
 GP> Dog: bites & shreds his hand
 GP> Billy: I thought you said your dog don't bite!
 GP> Bob: I did; t'ain't my dog there.

  He did tell the truth.

 > "Bungee jumping is perfectly safe.  Here, I'll show you."

 GP> Q: How often do you replace the bungee ropes?
 GP> A: Every time they break, Ma'am.

  Fair enough.

 > "Hah, this curve is easy to drive through."

 GP> You accelerate into a curve, right?

  Only if you have a death wish.

 > "Don't worry, I took gun safety"

 GP> Then why are looking down the barrel after you cleaned it & put it back
 GP> together?  

  Or the one where the police officer is standing, but the barrel of his
shotgun is propped up against his butt. The meme notes "Why Women Live
Longer". :P

 > "What's this button?"

 GP> Button: "Press here"
 GP> *presses*
 GP> computer: "to activate, release to detonate."

  Your call is important to us...but right next to it, is a red light
flashing button, with the word DISCONNECT or ERASE.

 GP> DOS 4,01 to Windows 10.0. . . what a expletive-decorated journey that
 GP> has been!

  I started with 3.2, then went to 5.0, 6.0, 6.2, and 6.22 -- and I even
ran DESQView. Then Windows 95, 98, XP, 7, and now 10.

 GP> I remember DOS 6 & the end of the help files being all loaded in to RAM
 GP> as a TSR! & the original disk doubler that Microsoft stole for DOS 6.2
 GP> & was forced by a judge to remove and issue DOS 6.22 (when M$ & their
 GP> million dollar lawyers lose a case, you KNOW the theft was bad)

  Sounds like what they did with DoubleSpace and DriveSpace, which was
originally done by Stacker.

 GP> Fast forward to anti-monopoly trial against Microsoft bundling Office &
 GP> Windows.

 GP> We supposed Gates walked out of that courtroom, after being ordered to
 GP> split Office & their OS(Windoze) into separate companies, asked out
 GP> loud, "So, this means I now own TWO monopolies?"

  Really. He has his hands in more cookie jars than Microsoft.

 GP> faster processors & more powerful video cards = video gamers
 GP> bigger hard drives, faster internet, & bigger/brighter monitors = porn
 GP> fans

  Sounds like the song Tom T. Hall did -- faster horses, younger women,
older whiskey, and more money".

 GP> Now all the development is on phones, & nobody uses a desktop any more
 GP> except me, that I know of. . .

  That's what the BBS is on at the moment (my late Mom's computer), but I'm
working on moving the BBS into the cloud by late next week. But 3 days of
thunderstorms will put the kabosh (sp?) on that. Once it's in the cloud and
set up though, I won't have to take it down for thunderstorms anymore.

 >
 > "The bomb will never go off.  I speak as an expert in explosives."
 >        Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project

  Blew that one up.
 >
 > "This fellow Charles Lindburg will never make it.  He's doomed."
 >        Harry Guggenheim, millionaire aviation enthusiast

  To success.
 >
 > "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
 >        Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University,
 >          (five days before the Crash of 1929)

  Talk about egg on the face!!
 >
 > "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."

  Depends on who's flying them.
 >
 > "God himself could not sink this ship."
 >        Anonymous Titanic Deck Hand

  To which, a voice from above says "Is That Your Final Answer??" 
 >
 > "Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific
 > advances."

  I guess he thought the only moon was their own butt cheeks.
 >
 > "Everything that can be invented has been invented."
 >        Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Patent Office, 1899.

  Reminds me of the song Jerry Reed did..."Lord, Mister Ford". What
Henry Ford would do with what his "contribution to man" has become.
 >
 > "Ha!  They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."

  Tusk!! Tusk!! Tusk!!

 > 'And for the tourist who really wants to get away
 > from it all - safaris in Vietnam' - Newsweek predicting
 > popular holidays for the late 1960's

  Battling for travel destinations.
 >
 > 'ALL THE PASSENGERS ARE SAFE' - Lancashire Evening Post
 > headline on their report of the Titanic sinking.

  Do I detect a failure to communicate here??
 >
 > 'Television won't last. Its a flash in the pan' - Mary
 > Somerville, pioneer of radio educational broadcasts, 1948.

  They probably thought the same of phonograph records.
 >
 > 'The Beatles? They're on the wane' - the Duke of Edinburgh
 > in Canada 1965.  They went on to produce five albums and
 > eleven singles, most of which got to number One.

  There was a 45 RPM record I had a long time ago, which was
a compilation of their most popular songs in a skit.
 >
 > 'Radio has no future' - Lord Kelvin, President of the Royal Society,
 > 1890-5.

  That was before amateur radio came along...my, how things have
changed with that hobby!!
 >
 > 'Heavier than air flying machines are impossible' - Lord Kelvin.
 > President of the Royal Society,1890-5.

  
 >
 > 'X-Rays will prove to be a hoax'-Lord Kelvin, President of the Royal
 > Society, 1890-5.

  Only when the light on the device doesn't work to take a good picture.

 > "About this 'Liberty or Death' business, Mr. Henry. Isn't there some
 > reasonable position in between?"

  Really.

Daryl

... When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
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