>   Chris' mother was in the hospital, so he went to visit her, and to
 > see his new brother. Chris wandered into a room across the hall,
 > which was occupied by a woman with a broken leg.

 >   "Hello" he said. "How long have you been here??".

 >   "Oh, about a month".

 >   "Let me see your baby?", he then asked.

 >   "I don't have a baby", replied the woman.

 >   "Gee, you're slow" said Chris. "My Momma's been here just two days,
 > and she's got one"!!

My fave baby story:

One for the photographers....

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to
hire a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to
arrive, Mr. Jacobs kissed his wife and said 'I'm off to work, Lydia. The guy
should be here soon.'

Wouldn't you know it, a door-to-door baby photographer came by half an hour
later, hoping to make a sale. Mrs. Jacobs answered the door. 'Good morning,
ma'am. You don't know me, but I've come to...' 'Oh yes, I know why you're
here. Harry told me you'd be coming soon.' 'He did? But I...' 'Come right in!
No use wasting time .' 'Very well, then.'

The photographer took out his briefcase and sat down. 'As you may already
know, I've made a specialty of babies.' 'Good, I'm glad,' said Mrs. Jacobs.
'That's just what Harry and I were looking for.'

'I usually like to try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a
couple on the bed,' said the photographer. 'The living room floor is fun
too...you can really spread out.' 'Bathtub? Living room floor? No wonder it
never worked for Harry and me.' 'Well, ma'am, none of us can guarantee a
perfect one every time, but if we try several different positions and I shoot
from six or seven different angles, I think you'll be quite pleased with the
results.'

'I certainly hope we can get this over with quickly,' Mrs. Jacobs gasped
nervously. 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man must take his time. I'd like to 
be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm 
sure.' 'Don't I know!' said Mrs. Jacobs.

The photographer pulled out a portfolio of his pictures. 'This one was done 
on top of a bus in downtown London,' he said, showing Mrs. Jacobs the 
picture. 'Oh my God!' exclaimed Mrs. Jacobs, tugging on her handkerchief.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider the fact 
that their mother was so difficult to work with.' He showed Mrs. Jacobs
another picture. 'She was difficult?' questioned Mrs. Jacobs. 'Extremely,'
said the photographer. 'I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around, four and five deep, just to get a
good look.' 'Four and five deep!' Mrs. Jacobs was amazed. 'Yes,' said the
photographer. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly
squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then, it started getting
dark and I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels started nibbling
on my equipment. I just packed it all in.'

Mrs. Jacobs leaned forward. 'You mean the squirrels actually chewed on your,
um...equipment?' 'Yes, ma'am. Thank God, no real damage was done.

Well, we'll get to work as soon as I set up my tripod.'

'Tripod? ' Mrs. Jacobs looked extremely worried now.

'Of course. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much to big for
me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Ma'am...ma'am...good God, 
she's fainted!'

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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