>  GP> For the women who feel obliged todo the stereotype I tell them: men
 >  GP> have ages; women just have birthdays.

 >   Not a bad way to look at it.

Keeps them happy & delusional, just the way we like 'em! :D 

 >  GP> We give 'birth' to a jaggewd rock(dead, not even pretty, just a 
pointy
 >  GP> ships' wheel)

 >   If you have more than one, you name them "Sly And The Family Stone". 

More like Jaggy & the family of rolling stones. . .

 >  >   I saw a tagline that noted "Seen On A Baby Stroller: Poo-Poo 
Happens".

 >  GP> Fair version or my goto: "feces occurs."

 >   I said that at work years ago, and this woman I was working with (she
 > had just lost her first husband to colon cancer, but we were great 
friends),
 > looked at me like "WTH??". I translated it, and she busted out laughing;
 > saying "I'm going to tell my sister!!". The next morning, I asked her if
 > she told her sister, she busted out laughing, and said "Yep"...then I 
asked
 > "Same Reaction??", and she said "Yep".

I said, to a buddy, when he was sad for dasys over his grandsma's death: 
"Hey, buddy, life  goes on; of course, not for your grandmother, but for the
rest of us. . ."; he glared, then smirked, then went back to crying, so I let
him be. . .

 >  GP> But most often we gravitate towards closing both seat & lid aftyer
 >  GP> every use, so both must lift & both must lower -- fair & looks 
better,
 >  GP> & when kids happen or visit, it's child-proofed.

 >   It's no fun sitting in the water. :P

 >  GP> I, when I was 6, sat without looking, & got a cold wet tush!

 >   See what I mean??

This fulfills my point: LOOK before sitting & nobody gets a wet tushy!

 >  GP> My doctor told me to watch my weight, so I've put it right out front
 >  GP> where I can watch it easier!

 >   I watch what I eat...from the plate to the mouth.

It's tnot the  minutes you spend at the table eating, it's the seconds that
put on the weight.

The best exercise is pushups; push up from the table before you're full.

 >  GP> echos (the other was purely G-rated (grade 4 level 
language/situations
 >  GP> only, & he'd kick you out for even a HINT of an infraction!

 >   The kids are hearing far more than G-rated in elementary school now.


We were in the '70s, already; I can only imagine what's being said nowadays!

 >  GP> We Tried Getting Americans to Start Measuring Weight in Kilograms
 >  GP> Instead of Pounds
 >  GP> But they were very cagey about it.

 >   Why would you want to kill a gram??

Like Adam Sandler sings: Gotta love your grandma. . .

 >   Diet water has half the calories of regular water. 

Don't joke; there is "diet water" out there.

Must be like when one peanuit buttert brtand put "cholesterol free" on their
jars & outsold their neighbours on supermarket shelves.

(most people had no clue that cholesterol = meat, not "any fat"; I will only
eat vegetarian peanut butter; I do like meat, but only in meat courses)

 >   At times, I have to poke holes in my belt to keep my pants from falling
 > off. The suspenders kept snapping off.

Same; I lost the good pair I got years ago with 1" wide clawed clamps that 
did not let go, EVER!  Now they're like 1/3" wide & won't bite & hold
anything.

I got a belt that has no loops -- you just plug the spindle/tongue in 
wherever you need to.

 >  GP> My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
 >  GP> She's truly my aunt

 >   That is a true pun.

Yup; I love puns of all sorts(nearly)

 >   They'll really be hip to it.

Not may women call themselves "hippies" any more, since realizing it kinda
means "fat"

 >   The blonde had skid marks on her shirt, from getting run over
 > at the intersections. She crawled across, because the sign said
 > DON'T WALK. 

A politician was found dead on the road, beside him was a businessman.  How
did the cops tell which was which?

A: skid marks in front of the non-pol.

Also, a witness heard the lawyer get hit &described it like this, "rawrrr,
thup-thup, screech, thup-thup, screech, thup-thup. . ."

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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