George,

 GP> Our phase 2 was 70+ &/or those with chronic health conditions; I
 GP> qualify, but am still waiting, as is allowed currently.  They'll even
 GP> do a housecall for me!

 That's what Arkansas did for us...but when they lowered the age, I decided
to go for it.

 GP> For the women who feel obliged todo the stereotype I tell them: men
 GP> have ages; women just have birthdays.

  Not a bad way to look at it.

 GP> We give 'birth' to a jaggewd rock(dead, not even pretty, just a pointy
 GP> ships' wheel)

  If you have more than one, you name them "Sly And The Family Stone". 

 >   I saw a tagline that noted "Seen On A Baby Stroller: Poo-Poo Happens".

 GP> Fair version or my goto: "feces occurs."

  I said that at work years ago, and this woman I was working with (she
had just lost her first husband to colon cancer, but we were great friends),
looked at me like "WTH??". I translated it, and she busted out laughing;
saying "I'm going to tell my sister!!". The next morning, I asked her if
she told her sister, she busted out laughing, and said "Yep"...then I asked
"Same Reaction??", and she said "Yep".

  She resigned to go work elsewhere long before I left. I have no idea
what happened to her.

 GP> Haven't seen it, but I like it already; I love when advertisers have
 GP> the balls to do an edgy-esque pun!

  I don't know if there's a TV commercial, but it runs on the IHeartRadio
stations.

 GP> But most often we gravitate towards closing both seat & lid aftyer
 GP> every use, so both must lift & both must lower -- fair & looks better,
 GP> & when kids happen or visit, it's child-proofed.

  It's no fun sitting in the water. :P

 GP> I, when I was 6, sat without looking, & got a cold wet tush!

  See what I mean??

 >   Balanced Diet...in the belly, and in the buttocks. 

 GP> My doctor told me to watch my weight, so I've put it right out front
 GP> where I can watch it easier!

  I watch what I eat...from the plate to the mouth.

 GP> Doc told my wife to watcghher weight, she replied, "Why, does it do
 GP> tricks?"

  Really.

 GP> Well, time to put in some ObHumour to keep this thread on topic for
 GP> everyone else.

 GP> echos (the other was purely G-rated (grade 4 level language/situations
 GP> only, & he'd kick you out for even a HINT of an infraction!

  The kids are hearing far more than G-rated in elementary school now.

 GP> I really ought to start losing weight...
 GP> But, I've got too much on my plate at the moment.

  There you go!! 

 GP> We Tried Getting Americans to Start Measuring Weight in Kilograms
 GP> Instead of Pounds
 GP> But they were very cagey about it.

  Why would you want to kill a gram??

 GP> You should avoid beef when trying to lose weight
 GP> Too many cowlories.
 GP> [I was amazed at how many kcal beef has!]

  Diet water has half the calories of regular water. 

 GP> "Your 'p' was silent."

  Wow.

 GP> back to the weight loss stuff:

 GP> I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except
 GP> the weight lifting...
 GP> Is not my strong suit.

  At times, I have to poke holes in my belt to keep my pants from falling
off. The suspenders kept snapping off.

 GP> What do you call an over weight psychic?
 GP> A four chin teller

  One for each point of the compass.

 GP> I thought that taking the shell off of my racing snail would save
 GP> weight and make it more streamlined so it would be faster....
 GP> But it just made it more sluggish......

  Only if you salted the contestant.

 GP> My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
 GP> She's truly my aunt

  That is a true pun.

 GP> I’ve been writing a book on weight loss.
 GP> I hope it will appeal to a wide audience.

  They'll really be hip to it.

 GP> How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?
 GP> Through the Dumbell door

  The blonde had skid marks on her shirt, from getting run over
at the intersections. She crawled across, because the sign said
DON'T WALK. 

Daryl

... A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
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