George,

 GP> Funny stuff from your church bulletin?

  It makes you wonder where they minds were.

 GP> More good news bad news:

 GP> Good:
 GP> The postman's early
 GP> Bad:
 GP> He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
 GP> Worse:
 GP> You gave him nothing for Christmas
 GP> -=-

  So much for getting that refund check and package on time. 

 GP> Bro, I got good news and bad news
 GP> Just gimme the good news bro.
 GP> The air bags in your car worked perfectly.
 GP> -=-

  Mine didn't deploy in the wreck I was involved in 3 months ago.
I wasn't at fault, but while I got "a mere pittance" in the
settlement, at least they paid the $9100 chiropractic bill.

 GP> Wife: I got good news, dear.
 GP> Husband: Wut?
 GP> Wife: The airbags in our car work.
 GP> -=-

  I can't say the same for the car. :P

 GP> Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was
 GP> just found.
 GP> Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.
 GP> -=-

  Or the homing pigeon decided to walk instead of flying to deliver the
message, because "it was such a nice day". 

 GP> Doctor: “I have some bad news and some good news.”
 GP> Me: “What’s the bad news doc?”

 GP> Doctor: “I have to amputate your left foot.”

 GP> Me: “What’s the good news?”

 GP> Doctor: “You are going to start the new year on the right foot.”

   That's like the sculpture with a left and right foot made out of
winter precipitation -- you have two feet of snow. 

Daryl

... Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
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