Yet another customer service phone call...


 Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the Heart Systems Software Company
 help desk. How may I help you?

 Customer: I just received your latest program, LOVEv4.0... you know...
 the freeware. I don't understand it. Can tell me how to install it?

 Service Rep: Sure thing, Ma'am. Do you have the installation disk and
 instructions with you?

 Customer: Yes, I do. But first, can you tell me what the program does?

 Service Rep: Sure thing, Ma'am. LOVE is a unique program. There is no
 other like it in the world. LOVE attaches to your operating system and
 runs silently in the background. You will never see LOVE on your monitor
 or your toolbar, but you will notice its effect on every application you
 may have. It makes the good programs run smoother and greatly restricts
 and/or deletes the bad ones.

 Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine run
 smoother?

 Service Rep: Good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV, ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV,
 and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also, FORGIVENESS.EXE will be
 invoked every time there is an external violation, including the ever-
 popular syntax errors. All those aggravating errors that say "unable
 to connect" will be avoided. LOVE allows for a smooth connection with
 external devices regardless of what country it is manufactured in, the
 brand name, or the age of the model.

 Customer: That's exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for
 too long. But what about the bad programs?

 CS Rep: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs like
 HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs
 can't be entirely deleted from your hard drive, but LOVE overpowers
 those programs. LOVE stops their commands from being executed and runs
 its own instructions. You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and you won't
 be able to write with the fonts "BADWORDS12" or "HARSHNESS10".

 Customer: Sounds like a fantastic program. Are the upgrades free too?

 CS Rep: They sure are, Ma'am.

 Customer: How do I get the upgrades?

 CS Rep: That's easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running it
 automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every external
 Harddrive Email And Remote Terminal (HEART) it comes in contact with.
 In turn, those external devices run whatever version of LOVE they have
 and return a module to your HEART. You will be upgraded with each and
 every module you receive. But remember, to receive the upgrades you
 have to be running LOVE and you have to come into contact with other
 computers while it is running.

 Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am
 ready to install now. What do I do first?

 CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your
 HEART, Ma'am?

 Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.
 Is it okay to install while they are running?

 CS Rep: What programs are running, Ma'am?

 Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,
 and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

 CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your
 current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
 will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite
 LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you
 have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs
 prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off, Ma'am?

 Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

 CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke EMPATHY.EXE. Do
 this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have
 been completely erased.




--- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+