-=> Quoting MARK PROBERT to REGINA FINAN <=-
 MP> REGINA FINAN was thinking about Jeremy and keyed into cyberspace:
 MP> I have read, and re-read this several times. I will assume that your 
 MP> family is receiving family counselling, and that Jeremy has
 MP> one-0on-one  time with a counsellor or therapist. If not, then this is
 MP> something that  is absolutely required.
 MP> It will not be a total fix, and it will take a while, but it will
 MP> help. 
 RF>I have a problem lately and thought I would run it past you hoping
 RF>for suggestions.  Here it is:
 
 We had tried that to no avail.  As a matter of fact his behavior got
 worse because of Jeremy's attitude that his life is private.  There is
 another parent in the area Jeremy listens to.  It is his best friends
 mother.  She is susupecting one of her very young twins of ADHD and we
 are now collabrating on behavior tactics.  We found things to be leveling
 off somewhat.
 RF>Jeremy has been really awful lately.  About a month now.  If I ketch
 RF>him at doing something wrong and try to talk to him or call him he
 RF>walks off on me. Literally walks away and does not turn back.
 RF>Especially if it is outside. Nothing I do works on stopping this.
 
 RF>Also he is consistently now saying no to me.  If I ask him to do
 RF>something it is no.  Usually in a smart voice.  If I take something
 RF>away or time out him he just says I don't care and walks away.
 MP> Then removal is not working, or you are taking away whet is not 
 MP> important. FInd what is really important. Use that. Always be on the 
 MP> lookout for what is currently important, because a night of sleep can 
 MP> change what the kids feel is important.
 MP> They also change what is important just to annoy you. :(
 
 Nothing was working there for a while.  Jeremy's feelings are very hidden
 from the world and therefore even though I know what is important at the
 time he can and does withstand things being taken away.  
 RF>Up until a month ago.  I have handled him very well.  Things were
 RF>looking really good.  I want to send him to Karate school, but
 RF>haven't found one I like yet.  The last one recommended by some
 RF>Psycologists was not as good as they thought.  The class was
 RF>confusing for the kids and too small (room size) for the amount of
 RF>kids there.  Plus I don't like Tae Kwon Do style anyways.
 MP> If he wants to go, then he has to earn it. Try the 1-2-3 approach by 
 MP> Phelan.
 
 1-2-3 approach does not work.  I have read the books on it and practiced
 it for a while in hopes it would kick in, but it didn't.
 MP> Hormones. Weak ones, but hormones. You would be amazed at what they do
 MP> at this age for some kids. Also, summer is approaching. What is
 MP> planned  for the summer?
 
 You may be right as I have recently found out he supposedly has a girlfriend
 or someone he likes.  He is not discussing it, but when brought up the smile
 appeared.  I will get to the bottom of it, but with Jeremy it takes time.
 MP> Jeremy has to know that Dad and Mom speak with one voice. My wife and
 MP> I  never, ever, disagree about the kids in front of the kids. If we
 MP> have a  problem with what the other says or does, we have to take the
 MP> person out  for coffee, etc. to discuss it. And we cannot fight in
 MP> public.:) Gives  both a chance to think. No drawbacks. 
 
 We do this.  I also immediately tell my husband what discipline measure I
 have taken so it stays inforce and no misunderstandings develop.
 MP> There must be something. Is there a county mental health association? 
 MP> CHADD? NAMI? Something. This is as important as food, clothing,
 MP> shelter. 
 I believe what is happening is that the hormones are kicking in and so is
 his reach for independence.  Jeremy believes he can take care of himself
 now and that I am treating him like a child.  This is what I believe is
 happening.  
 I am slowly getting to the bottom of it.  It just gets so darn frustrating
 though.
 Regina
... All I need is a Wave and a board to surf it on.
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