On May 21 16:44 96, Lawrence Dumas of 1:229/510 wrote to Jerry Schwartz:
JS>> I cannot imagine that my son would be a successful hunter, if that's
JS>> what you're getting at.  I don't hold out my son as typical of ADHD; I
JS>> think there is more than that wrong with him - and I do mean wrong, not
JS>> "different."
LD>      Hartman's use of the term hunter to describe what he means does not
LD>      sit well with me. It seems a tad too aggressive a word.  However, 
e
Apart from that, it requires patience and attentiveness; my son, at least, 
would either wander away or something toothy would sneak up on him while he 
was admiring his toes.
LD>      idea is that the choice of careers for people with ADD needn't be
LD>      limitted to the "low-end" jobs but rather the jobs which provide the
LD>      stimulation needed to engage the worker.  He specifically notes:
I have no quarrel with that, at least for some.
LD>      How old is your son and what other difficulties has he experienced?
See below.
LD>      I remember a way back that a message was posted by a parent which
LD>      touched on this issue.  If I remember correctly the message was
LD>      dismissive of the people here who wish to portray ADD and especially
LD>      ADHD as something other than a handicap and even that it is a 
superior
LD>      stituation than being "normal".  I am not suggesting that it is not
LD>      a handicap. I have this thing and have had it all my life and I wish 
I
LD>      could make it go away. However, I cannot make it go away. So, it 
seems
LD>      to me that a good strategy is to concentrate in areas that I have a
LD>      fighting chance of being successful at.
That was probably I.  While I am 90% in favor of doing whatever is needed to 
help everyone enjoy a happy and productive life, I was getting irritated at a 
strain of "don't you feel sorry for the poor normals" which had cropped up.  
I thought it unhealthy, unrealistic, and unproductive.
Like it or not, there is such a thing as normal in the sense of normative, 
expected, middle of the road, etc.  My wife's son has several physical 
handicaps, and she has always made it plain to him that he has to make his 
way in the world, rather than expecting the crowd to part before him.  The 
world owes him a chance, the absence of cruelty and unnecessary stumbling 
blocks, and some degree of accommodation (handicapped parking spaces, for 
example); but it does not owe him a living.
Whether as a consequence of this upbringing or not, he is well on his way to 
becoming a hardworking, uncomplaining, genuinely happy and successful person.
There are, unfortunately, some people who are so incapable of doing for 
themselves that the world DOES owe them a living.  You see, I am not devoid 
of compassion.  That missing 10% (above) comes from some misgivings I have 
when enormous resources are devoted to making vanishingly small improvements 
in the lives of a few people at the extreme limits of viability (and I mean 
that literally).  A case in point is the elimination of gifted programs in 
the schools in order to fund legally-required programs for the profoundly 
retarded; that troubles me, and it troubles me more that few people (on 
either side of the issue) see it as an ethical dilemma.
So, do I think that people with AD(H)D should be accommodated?  Yes, of 
course.  Do I think that there should be a limit to the accommodations?  Yes, 
I think I do, if for no other reason than that there won't always be an 
enforcement officer available to make sure that the accustomed accommodations 
are made.  It's all well and good to demand untimed tests in school; but can 
you reasonably expect an employer to assign untimed tasks?  (I know, this 
returns to your theme of choosing a suitable career.)
LD>  He, like the rest of us, has to live in the world and he
JS>> seems rather ill-equipped to do so.
LD>      This is where the positive views of ADD may be helpful.  It is 
imply
LD>      an extension of the use of structure and guidance to assist people
LD>      with ADD become successful. It just takes the use of these concepts
LD>      which we are applying to home and school and applies them to the
LD>      adult world of living and working. This only makes sense to me and
I agree with this completely, and we have tried to do this with my son.  
Structure works in some ways too well for him.  Unfortunately, in other ways 
he finds ways of evading "the rules" like any other child might.
JS>> Have you ever read the book "A Confederacy of Dunces" by Toole?  My
JS>> son is scarily like the main character.
LD>      No I haven't but if you could expand on some of these qualities I
LD>      would have greater sensitivity towards your situation.  I believe
LD>      that part of the problem with this disorder and talking about this
LD>      disorder is that it can affect people in dramatically different ways
LD>      and is associated with many other syndromes so that when we each 
alk
LD>      of our life's experiences we are comparing apples and oranges.
That appears to be true.  Returning to my son, when he was younger he would 
sometimes get out of control physically (to the point of biting or hitting); 
he seems to have outgrown that, and it was never to the point described by 
some parents here.  He is, however, fascinated by weapons and portrayals of 
violence to a degree that is creepy.  He goes through stages in which 
incendiary materials seem to be very important to him (although we've yet to 
figure out exactly what he's doing with them).  He smears his feces on the 
wall of the bathroom.  He refuses to bath (fakes it).  At 15, he still wets 
his bed from time to time.  He picks holes in things (such as his wall).
Aside from that, he refuses (with very few exceptions) to work.  He is 
flunking courses in school for want of homework and assigned projects; the 
only thing that keeps him afloat is that he usually aces tests.  He is 
flunking Human Growth, which requires absolute devotion to making no effort 
whatsoever.  Not only does he never volunteer to help around the house, he 
has always refused to help.  I would offer to pay him $5.00 to pick up the 
sticks from the yard after a storm, and he would wander about for a few 
minutes and (carrying a few twigs) ask "How much will you pay me if I stop 
now?"
If you can persuade him to work on something, he will do so for just as long 
as you stay on top of him.  It is like training a cat.  There is no momentum, 
no "habit of success," no after-effect.  When you push, he goes; when you 
stop, he stops.  He doesn't even coast to a stop, he just stops.
His world view is that of a child who believes in magic transformations: 
becoming a sports star through the revelation of some previously hidden 
talent, becoming rich by "discovering something," and so forth.  In a younger 
child, this would be normal; in a boy of 15, it should have been relegated to 
the world of daydreams.  He tempers this magic thinking with a parody of Mr. 
Rogers: he acts as though you get 100% credit for good intentions (not even 
effort), and your real friends will like you just the way you are (dirty and 
smelly), and quitting is just fine because "at least you tried."
Jerry Schwartz
--- MsgedSQB 3.30.01
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