JERRY SCHWARTZ was thinking about Punishment and keyed into cyberspace:
JS>WF> that. It sounds to me as if your son's alienation towards "The
JS>WF> World"  (including the two of you) has caused him to embrace
JS>WF> amoral behaviors. Now, it's hard to say, with the little that I
JS>WF> hear, what his problem might  be, but if he *knows* what he's
JS>WF> doing, but does it anyway, then he's not  getting the proper
JS>WF> motivators for right-thinking and right-behaviors. He  
JS>Motivation seems to be where the problem lies.  In essence, he cannot
JS>be motivated by anything more than a few hours in the past or future.
JS>punishment A yesterday, a reward tomorrow, may work - but a reward
JS>punishment last week or a next week will not.
JS>WF> doesn't understand that these things are in themselves their own
JS>WF> reward. He probably feels persecuted (a common enough feeling for
JS>WF> ADHD'ers) no  matter *what* he does or doesn't do. Unfortunately,
JS>WF> the lifting of the  
JS>Well, my belief is that he dissociates himself from what happens to
JS>him: the rewards, the punishments are things that happen to him
JS>rather than things he brings upon himself - like being hit by
JS>lightning or finding money in the street.  If you force him to, he
JS>can dredge up the real explanation; but he really doesn't believe it
JS>on an emotional level. 
JS>    "Why can't you go to the movies today?"
JS>        "Because I stole money from you."  "Can you
JS>drive me to the mall?"
JS>WF> *perception* of persecution is much harder than the actual
JS>*lifting* of the 
JS>WF> persecution (although that's hard enough). Stealing is a sign of
JS>WF> rebellion. Unfortunatley, it's not a very healthy one. The green
JS>WF> teeth and non-bathing 
JS>WF> are actually healthier, in that other than offended olifactory
JS>WF> glands, he  harms no one other than himself. Of course, it won't
JS>WF> help towards better  socialization skills, or make him any
JS>WF> happier in the long run. 
JS>I've considered all of that endlessly, but unfortunately it doesn't
JS>help.  Even if I had a perfect understanding of why he does what he
JS>does, I seem to be powerless to influence it.
One of the key things in helping your son is parent training. Speak to a 
psychologist who is knowledgeable in ADHD and ask where you can learn 
behavior modification techniques that could help. 
Just be aware that it is a very slow process, and that reward works far 
better than punishment. My 13 year old's newly generated hormones  
recently has un-dome years of this. So, we are back to square 1, but, 
are better equipped. 
Expect to have something seem to work for a while,a nd then, one day, it 
doesn't. You have to be ready with "Plan B" right away.
                ===>The Voice of Reason<===
                     mark.probert@juno.com
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 * CMPQwk #1.4 * UNREGISTERED EVALUATION COPY
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