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US title match:

* Last week is described as "the first time on Smackdown that someone
  has defended two titles in one night".

* "Matt has gotten four speeding tickets"
  "Matt has gotten out of over twenty tickets"

* Shannon Moore sends a belt in.  Eddy gets hold of it, tosses it to
  Matt, then plays hurt.  While the ref is busy throwing it out, Eddy
  gets another belt and clocks Matt with it:  frog splash, pin.

After the US title match:

* Having gotten Matt back for last week, Eddy runs into Show and gets
  in his face about last week.  Lots of "me too"ing from Chavo; is he
  the new spokesperson for AOL?  Show shoves Eddy almost halfway down
  the hallway.  "There's nothing you can do!"

APA vs Bashams:

* Bradshaw's fallaway slam is still slow, but still not "lazy" like
  Hall's.  Good idea filming it from the side-- you get to see Basham
  thrown halfway across the ring.

* Ref bump.  I smell interference from Shaniqua.  Yup!  DQ.  Bradshaw
  whacks her for good measure.  Bradshaw has a very Test-like look of
  disdain tonight.

Albert speaks again:

* Benoit vs Haas.  Benoit's training under Stu Hart is mentioned.  Haas's
  training under Kurt Angle is not mentioned; they could have compared
  this to the Benoit/Angle feud, but I guess they're trying to build Haas
  up on his own.  Benjamin returns in two weeks, in time for No Mercy.

* Albert on the crossface:  "I am no ordinary man."  But he gives Benoit
  credit, and not in 3H's damning-with-faint-praise style either.

* Haas charges out of the corner.  Benoit reverses it into... hmm, a
  crossface?  No, an arm drag that ends up throwing Haas through the
  ropes.

* Tazz mentions that, between the piercings and the hairy back, Albert
  *looks* like a big dumb jock.  Albert:  "Absolutely not."  They spend
  a bit too much time talking about Albert instead of the match.

* Haas works on Benoit's mid-section.  Albert notes it in his commentary.

* Second German suplex countered by a drop toe hold.

* Benoit does a baseball slide while Haas is in the middle of the ring--
  usually you only see it when the opponent's on the outside, or at
  least right at the ropes.  Benoit with a Sharpshooter.  Haas with a
  belly-to-belly suplex... ow!  Benoit lands on his head and neck.  Cue
  the "surgically repaired" sound bite.  Benoit with a crossface.  Albert
  comes in for the DQ, and slaps a crossface on Benoit for a while.  Cue
  the "that's his own move!" sound bite.

As the McMahon Turns:

* "Fear the Taker Vince".  I call foreshadowing!

* Stephanie will get a "second chance".  Vince looks a lot grayer in
  front-- why doesn't he hire the guy who did Bischoff's dye job?  "You're
  all quitters" for cheap heat.  Stephanie avoids the shrill voice
  tonight, thank God.  Stephanie's job is on the line-- I thought that was
  implied by Vince's "I'll make you quit" last week, but I guess he just
  meant quitting the match.  "At No Mercy, I will strike down the face of
  defiance."  Sable runs her mouth.  Still no shrillness.  Sable slaps;
  Stephanie spears; Vince body slams; Taker wordlessly breaks things up;
  Brock shows up, only to get a boot in his face.

The Sucker Punch:

* Show chows down on some burritos.  He puts nasal "special sauce" in one
  and sends it on to Eddy.  Jericho/Regal was still much more disgusting.

* Tajiri vs Kidman for the cruiserweight title.  Kidman goes for a pin
  within seconds.  Tazz flubs and calls it the US title, but quickly
  corrects himself.  Tajiri with much more creative kicks than usual:
  roundhouse to the shoulder, high kicks to the back.  Whose ass got
  kissed to allow this to go on?  Kidman with a crisp enziguri.  Tajiri
  with a *loud* chop, then another kick after playing possum.  Tajiri
  sends Kidman into the corner, follows him in; Kidman jumps up and out
  of the way, but catches a below-the-belt back kick.  Tajiri retains,
  and the rumored Mysterio/Kidman feud is apparently put off some more.

The Knockout Blow:

* Show vs Orlando Jordan.  Show is holding his stomach before the bell
  rings.  He still gets in some decent blows, while Jordan's look
  ineffective (Jordan has to hate this), but Show rushes to the back
  for the countout loss.

The Culprit (as if you couldn't guess):

* Remote interview with Zach Gowan, who's tired of "sympathy".  Maybe
  he'll start winning matches after a heel turn?

* Eddy claims credit for tainting Show's burritos.  "Montezuma's got
  nothin' on *me*, ese!"  As if Show wasn't humiliated enough, Eddy
  kicks the door off its hinges and Show barely catches it.  He misses
  an opportunity with the toilet paper, though-- leaves it sitting on
  top of the paper towel dispenser, rather than removing it (and the
  paper towels) completely.

Last Match:

* Angle and Taker vs Lesnar and Cena.

* Angle counters Lesnar's press slam with a German suplex.

* Heels do a couple of no-tag switches.  Not that they really needed to;
  they just did it to remind us that They're Heels, Dammit!

* Lesnar with something resembling a fireman's carry, or maybe a Torture
  Rack.  Isn't that move about due to be stolen anyway?

* Taker knocks Lesnar out of the ring with a clothesline.  What's unusual
  about this is that Lesnar lands on his head (well, shoulder) instead of
  his back or feet.

* Angle with a *fast* belly-to-belly on Lesnar.

* Cena with the chain.  Heels win.

* Lesnar sends Taker knees-first into the steel steps.  F5 into an
  announce table is blocked.  Taker choke-slams Lesnar through the
  same table.


--- Internet Rex 2.29