From: Dragon lite 
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               If you have ever tried to give a cat a pill you know how
difficult it is. The following instructions are fool proof!
 

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm 
as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either 
side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while 
holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. 
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from under chair. Cradle cat 
in left arm and repeat process. 

 
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
 

4. Take a new pill from foil wrap. Cradle cat in left arm holding 
rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill 
to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 

 
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top 
of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between the knees. Holding 
front and rear paws, ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse 
to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler 
into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 

 
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. 
Make a note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully 
sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set aside for gluing later.
 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with it's head 
just visible from beneath spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking 
straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw. 

 
9. Check label to make sure that pill is not harmful to humans. Drink 
glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm 
and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 

 
10.Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in 
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force 
mouth open with spoon, flick pill down throat with elastic band. 

 
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply 
cold compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus shot. 
throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 

 
12. Call the fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. 
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid 
cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 

 
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly 
to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from garage. 
Force cat's mouth open with small trowel. Push pill into mouth followed} 
by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint 
of water down throat to wash pill down.
 

14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly 
while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants 
from right eye. Stop by furniture store on the way home to order 
a new table. 

 
15. Arrange for vet to make housecall. 


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Sometimes you have to go out on a limb to turn over a new leaf

Don't trust his words, trust his actions.
       
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Get the name you always wanted with the new y7mail email address.

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