From: "Roy McNeill" 

INSTALLING A HUSBAND.

Dear Tech Support,

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower
and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs, such as AFL 5.0, NRL 3.0, and Golf 4.1.

    Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system.

    Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,
but to no avail.

    What can I do?

    Signed,
    Desperate.


Dear Desperate,

    First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

    Please enter command:   "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to download
Tears 6.2.

    Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

    If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should automatically
run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

    However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband
1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

    Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download
Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law
1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of
all your system resources).

    In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0
program.

    These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

    You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
performance.

    We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.0.

    Good Luck, Desperate ! ! !

--- Mystic BBS v1.07.3 (Win32)