Harriet Levy was sharing how her family of origin loves her:
 
>This is coming up real strong for me in terms of my biological family.
>It's become so obvious to me, lately, that they really don't like who
>I am.  What they like is their image of who they think I should be.
 
>The problem is that I don't like who they want me to be.  I like who
>I am.  Also, I've found a number of people who *do* like me, just as
>I am....which doesn't mean they don't want me to grow, they do...and
>applaud it when it happens, but they don't want me to be *different*.
 
>So I feel like I'm left with a dilemma.  Do I still have anything at
>all to do with my FOO?  How do I get away from the pull to go back
>there?
 
   A couple of years ago, in the middle of worrying about paying bills,
I was also worring about my family worring about me, treating me like
"yes, here's poor Ben, he's demonstrating once again what we knew all
along, that he can't make it on his own, so we'll be a Good Family and
help him out". With help like that...
   Over several months, I cut off contact with my family. When mother
would leave a message on the answering machine, I wouldn't call back.
For weeks I felt the guilt of "she doesn't know if I'm dead or
alive, I ought to call her", but I realised calling her would be
taking care of her, and NOT of me.
 
>It seems to me that there should be a middle ground, somewhere between
>not having anything to do with them, and being totally enmeshed with
>them. 
 
   Do you know what this sounds like to me? "It seems to me that there
should be a middle ground, somewhere between not having anthing
to drink, and being totally blotto..."
 
> Unfortunately, I can't find that balance...
   
   It appears you haven't found it yet. I haven't yet found a
'balance' with drinking, either, but then I quit trying  7 years
and 11 months ago ( but who's counting? ;-)
 
> and neither, it seems, can they.
 
   Oh my Who-Knows-What-It-Is, of course not! Their purpose is NOT
to help you have a balanced relationship with them, it's to keep the
family in the same 'balance' it's always had, and I'll bet my bottom
dollar that for your family to be 'balanced', your relationship with
them has to be pretty unhealthy for you. 
 
... Look for the church with the Big Question Mark on the steeple.
--- Opus-CBCS 1.14
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