--- Sez Kenneth Newman to David Marheine ---
 DM> I'm guessing _PTF_ was too long for a single CD...
 KN> The first couple of releases of this on CD cut the tune 
 KN> "Breakdown in Brussels" which is merely Ray playing "Sweet 
 KN> Georgia Brown" on the fiddle while the roadies try to fix 
 KN> the amps, but all subsequent releases are complete and on 
 KN> one CD. 
I stumbled into a Gentle Giant web page which went into detail
about the sonic differences between various CD releases of the
Gentle Giant albums.  It's sort of amazing to read about the
various out and out screwups that get released.  I mean, notes
missing from the beginnings or endings of songs?  Jeez.
Anyway, hearing no objections, I'm reprinting some educational
text apparently related to some imaginary Gentle Giant reunion
some people are apparently trying to convince each other is
possible or desirable or something...
Zeppo, The Long-Lost Fourth Shulman Brother 
- by Kenneth Newman (kenneth.newman@oln.com)
It's nice to see recent mention of the importance of Phil [Shulman]
to the band but I would go further and say that it wouldn't really
be a reunion without the participation of the long lost "fourth"
Shulman brother. I refer, of course, to Zeppo Shulman.
Even the most hard core fans like Geir haven't heard of him,
largely because he was only in the band at the very beginning
and, taking the role of the "straight man" in the band, he
didn't even look or act like the rest of the band. Where Derek
would prance around like a deranged troubadour, Zeppo sported a
schtick which was later copied by Cheap Trick drummer Bun E.
Carlos - the bored, dyspeptic, chartered accountant look. His
musical contributions to the band were minimal, as well, as he
could only play euphonium, ukelele and euchre, his proficiency
in the last accounting even more than filial loyalty for the
lads letting him hang around.
However, even more than his lack of musicianship, it was undoubtedly
the "Taste" incident which caused his ultimate and forceful ejection
from the ensemble. Having slept through all of the recording sessions
of the first album, he attempted to dominate the production of the
second.  Bad enough for the label was that he insisted on titling
the album "Acquiring the Taste of Buttocks" (oddly enough, the label
kept his idea for the cover art), but he included these liner notes,
which they eventually used, though with substantial revision:
"Acquiring the taste of buttocks is the second phase of sensual
pleasure. If our first album sticks in your  gorge, then you'll
want to put relish (we hope) on this, our, second, offering.
"It is our goal to make extremely unpopular music while still
persuading legions of underage nymphettes to  become our wanton
love slaves, even allowing us to slobber on them, specifically
their buttockular regions (see illustration).  We have recorded
each composition with the one thought - that it should be unique
and  adventurous....with these two thoughts, that it be unique and
adventurous and fascinating, um,....with these  three thoughts,
that it be unique, adventurous and fascinating and get us laid,
oh...., never mind! In any  event, we are willing to shed every
bit of our combined musical and technical knowledge to achieve
this  (i.e., obtaining access to nubile buttockular slobber-targets).
"From the outset we, the party of the first part, hereinafter
referred to as "the band," which should in all  cases be understood
to mean Gentle Giant (TM, marca registrada, pat. pending, reg'd Penna.
Dept Agriculture) have abandoned preconceived thoughts on blatant
commercialism, which is why we have  explicitly decided to forego
any and all royalties on this album and are insisting that those
capitalist scumbags at Vertigo Records give away all the copies
they can press, even going so far as to purchase record players
for those who might not have one. Instead we hope to literally
give you something that is far more substantial and fulfilling.
All you have to do is sit back and acquire the taste of our buttocks."
After leaving GG, Zeppo briefly played bass for Mott the Hoople under
the pseudonym "Labial Blender" (apparently a cutesy reference to his
habit of making a "thpthththttt!"). noise into the mike which he shared
with Ian Hunter whenever Hunter would attempt to sing) but he was given
the boot when they got wind of the impending lawsuit from Vertigo.  An
abortive disco comeback attempt in the mid 70's masterminded by Kim
Fowley (with an 11 year old Bill Laswell playing all the instruments,
composing the pieces, doing the singing and handling essentially all
of the production duties) was also doomed to failure.
Zeppo once placed an ad in Melody Maker and Rolling Stone's classified
sections advertising himself as a "well-known British progrock musician
looking to work with a successful commercial-sounding band so crass they
would sell their mothers for the price of a pint."  But as Foreigner were
the only people to contact him, and he did at least have some standards
below which he was unwilling to plummet, he chose to retire from active
performing, becoming producer for such deservedly forgotten 80's bands
as Flock of Haircuts, Croydon Crisis, and Segue Segue Segue Segue Sputum.
Like most washed up proggers he has done some film work recently and is
currently looking to make a '90's comeback on the reasoning that "if that
pathetic, ugly, no-talent, worthless David Crosby bastard can do it, anyone
can." Last I heard, Zeppo was trying to sell Geir Hasnes his phone number
for two thousand kroner.
More Answers About Zeppo 
Q: Just heard a rumor that Zeppo Shulman was actually The Fifth Beatle.
A: Not true, but during his "disco period" of 1977-79 he did produce an
album called A Fifth of Beatlemania-mania which he described as "not
the real Beatlemania but an amazing soy analog, blended together in
20 second sound bytes and set to rollicking disco beats."  It was
even less successful than his follow-up effort Steers on 45 which
was supposed to be a bunch of cattle grunting in 20 second sound
bytes set to a ubiquitous disco beat.  The bubble burst when it
was revealed that they weren't really cattle but merely unemployed
Danish porn actors (including Nina Hagen's boyfriend, Herman Brood)
trying their best to go "mooooooo" without a specifically northern
European accent, a trick he more successfully managed ten years
later on his 1988 fluke hit Le mystere des vaches bulgares, which
had fake cows doing harmony grunting for 20 minutes at a stretch.
The English, being blase and cynical after 20 years of rock'n'roll
hype and posturing, went for it in a big way.  NME wrote: "these cow
belches are like a breath of fresh air on the London scene."
... Pull any finger to continue ...
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