From: Dragon lite
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^A A WEEK AT THE GYM

^A If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong
with you! This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
regular workout routine.



^A Dear Diary,

^A For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club for me.

^A Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and
give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter
seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to
keep a diary to chart my progress. 

^A ____________ _________ _________ __

^A MONDAY:

^A Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it; when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting
for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes
and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the
skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout
today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups,
although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she
was around. This is going to be FANTASTIC week!!! 0K?

^A ____________ _________ _________ __

^A TUESDAY:

^A I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, then
she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I
feel GREAT!!! It's a whole new life for me.

^A  ____________ _________ _________ _

^A WEDNESDAY:

^A The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer
or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was
impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.
Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she
scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt
when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why
the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered
obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and
enjoy life. She said some other crap too.

^A ____________ _________ _________ _

^A THURSDAY:

^A Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a
half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me
to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the
restroom. She sent another skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment,
she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

^A ____________ _________ _________ _

^A FRIDAY:

^A I hate Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human
being in the history of the world. She is a stupid, skinny, anemic,
anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move
without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.^A  Belinda wanted me to
work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents
in the floor, don't hand me the barbells or anything else that weighs more
than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and
nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama
coach or the choir director?

^A ____________ _________ _________ __

^A SATURDAY:

^A Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly
voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me
want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength
to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of
the Weather Channel.



^A ____________ _________ _________ __

^A SUNDAY:

^A I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
daughter (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that is fun ƒþ"
like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to
bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!



^A Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh!

---



Sometimes you have to go out on a limb to turn over a new leaf



Don't trust his words, trust his actions.


     
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