From: Roy McNeill
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EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY....

8am:       Dog food! My favourite thing!
9.30am:  A car ride! My favourite thing!
9.40am:  A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10.30am: Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12pm:     Lunch! My favourite thing!
1pm:      Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3pm:      Wagged my tail!  My favourite thing!
5pm:      Bones! My favourite thing!
7pm:      Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8pm:      Wow! Watched TV with people! My favourite thing!
11pm:     Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY....

Day 983 of my captivity....

  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

  They dine lavishley on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

  Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertherless must eat something in order to keep my strength. The only
thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

  Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards.

  There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies".
I must learn what this means and use it to my advantage....

  Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

  I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and 
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems more than willing to return. He is obviously
retarded.

  The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protected custody for him in an elevated cell, so
he is safe. For now....


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