From: Rai A
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Office Christmas Party
 
December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
 
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
 December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked
eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to
singalong. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be
done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
 
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
 
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director


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December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
 
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with
Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to
employees who are celebrating  Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no
Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.  Happy Holidays to you and
your family.
 
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director


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December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
 
Regarding the anonymous note I received from member of Alcoholics Anonymous
 requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request,
but,  don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA
Only," you won't  be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the
gifts exchange - no gifts will be allowed since the Union members feel that
$10 is too much money.
 
Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director


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December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
 
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the
dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay
men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower
arrangement for the gay men's table.
 
Happy now?
 
Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director


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December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people-nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play
Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
"Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man
in a red suit."
 
Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces Director


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December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
 
Vegetarians-I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at
 Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table
 farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll
get salad bar  only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes
have feelings,  too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them
scream. I'm hearing  them right now... Ha!
 
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
 
The Bitch in Charge of the Party


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December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
 
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from  her stress-related illness. I'll  continue to forward your cards to
her at the sanitarium.
 
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
 
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director


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Sometimes you have to go out on a limb to turn over a new leaf

Don't trust his words, trust his actions.



      

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