FlipSide Medical Research and Teaching Hospital and Cow Chip Tossing
Institute is pleased to announce the current Staph and their positions
--uh, jobs:

Head Nurse Liz Morris: In charge of patient records and physical therapy, as
well as the Infamous "Q" Implantation of Clues. Takes care of scheduling,
assists the other Nurses with tough or hard cases, administers discipline,
and assists "Doc" Sullivan with his surgical tasks. Also keeps tabs on the
"progress" of various Dwarfs who might fit into the unique organization of
FlipSide. She takes pride in ministering in various ways to all personnel on
premeses. She really loves her work. You might not, but that's too bad.
Currently MIA.

Nurse Susan Pereira: In charge of the Pharmacy/Dispensary. Sees to it the
patients and impatients get their correct doses of medicine, as prescribed
by the rest of the Staph. Also checks quality and potency of the various
drugs. Needless to say, she /really/ enjoys "Quality Control". Also acts as
Anesthesiologist, if she's not anesthetized, of course. Male patients are
warned not to consume the Viagra cocktails. /Especially/ her husband.
Currently MIA.

"Doc" "Sweeny" Todd Sullivan: Proprietor of the Deli,
and Chief of Surgery
and Psychology at FlipSide. Known for his cutting sarcasm and biting satire,
the "Doc" makes sure of everyone's discomfort at the Clinic as well. On the
occasional loss of a patient, he's happy to see their deaths are far more
productive than their lives. Just don't ask what's in the Chili. You
don't want to know. Most especially don't ask /who/.

"Doc" Terry Durfee: Chief Psycho at the Psych Ward. The last
person you want
to talk to, as you'll find she's far less "normal" than the rest
of us. Even
Doc Sullivan has to be careful around Doc Durfee, as she plays rough for an
opening gambit. Not many survive those. Also does the tattooing, as she's
needled everyone at least once. Don't turn your back on her; it's not safe.
She shrinks real heads as a hobby. You've been warned.

"Doc" Russ "Head Cheese" Edwards: We're not sure just
what he does. He just
wanders in every now and again, making life tough for the Staph and the
patients. If he does something right, he's given a lollipop and kicked out
the door. If he does something wrong, he gets a lollipop. He's not allowed
in /any/ of the lab facilities.
Currently in the State of Confusion, AKA Washington.

"Doc" Bob "PITA" Short: In charge of the Orifice of
Pain Management. His
task is to manage the various Pains in the  when the rest of the
Staph might be otherwise engaged. The Titanium Crowbar and
Stainless Steel Hammer are his tools and will be maintained and kept
spotless between use. He's free to be a Pain himself, but must remember
what goes around comes around.

Nurse Cindy "Goldberg" Haglund: Uffishul Speeling Czecher. Her duties
include mis-marking - at irregular intervals - the charts for the patients
in regards treatments, prescriptions and therapy. Consequently, she has to
work with /all/ of the Staph. _Closely_. No pinching, prodding or pigeon
droppings, at least without permission. Not allowed to use anything with
lanolin in it, unless she plans to make a career of tormenting Lou. she
needs Mrs D's permission.

Nurse Birgit "Vroom-Vroom" Murphy: In charge of all equipment used at
FlipSide, including the P-6 Paddler Spankie Machine, and the MMX
Mangler, as well as the various Ballistic Q Application Devices, and
the maintenance thereof, as most of the FlipSide Staph couldn't wrench
their way out of a wet paper bag. Also steals ideas from the MC&D Motor
Pool, just in case one of the Docs decides a particular procedure isn't
quite right. Drives the Ambulance. Gawd help us all.
Currently MIA.

Nurse Shona "Mommy" Land: In charge of the Children's and
Maternity Ward. She
sees to it all "Adult" children relegated to her care are not
bored, but have
plenty of childish things to do. Reading levels are limited to 3rd grade, that
being the apparent limit of the inhabitants' ability. More than capable, Nurse
Land has complete discretion in disciplinary spankings.
Currently MIA.

Nurse Michelle "Bones" Willey: In charge of the Osteopathy and Orthopedic
wards. Makes sure that all prosthetic devices fit properly, as well as seeing
to it that all bones are in their proper places and condition. Occasionally
assists the "Docs" with cases relating to her specialty, if not
theirs. Made
her bones on her first visit, earning a well deserved promotion.
Currently MIA.

Male Nurse/Targets Chris Armstrong, Steve Raska and James Hall: On hand for
the various tasks the Docs and other Nurses don't have time for. At other
times, they help out in the various Wards; on rare occasions, assist in the
Deli, generally when the Newbie carcasses are delivered. Unfortunately,
they have to fight it out when it's time to clean the Deli's infamous grease
traps. The winner gets to go home. The loser also has to cater to every whim
of the Nursing Staph, which means backing up HC2 Boing.
Frequently AWOL; we don't know why.

HC2 Boing: Bouncer for the FlipSide Clinic Annex at the Deli. The
Staph Aureus Lounge is his place, and he sees to it no Ex-Newbies
or Newly-Apprenticed Dwarves enter. Also, he's the entertainment for
the Nursing Staph Happy Hour (On Most Days Of the Month). He's been warned
that arguing with Doc Sullivan will only earn him an even worse fate: Being
shipped off to the 1275th Attack Dwarves Operational Regiment, there to be
"stress relief" for PFCs Bence, Dreger and Bordelon.
Currently MIA; we don't know why.

PFCs Corrina Dreger and Linda Bence: Transferred to the 1275th Attack Dwarves
Operational Regiment. Formerly the Pharmacist, PFC Dreger now works at the
so-called aid station on the front lines. PFC Bence started with the 1275th,
but she's not meant to be taken as a better alternative. Stabilizing the
victims until they get to FlipSide, neither one is to be confused with an
angel of mercy.
PFC Dreger is currently MIA; being the Nanamio Goddess must be tough.

PFC Jeniffer Bordelon: No known title or position. That's Da RSM's fault.
Currently MIA, which is also Da RSM's fault.

Intern Paul Wankadia:  Not in a position to do much of anything. He's here
as Stress Relief for the Senior Dwarves while we're out of Newbies.

"Doc" Phillip "Flip" Harris: The Fool responsible for
FlipSide. Flip puts
the rear in Research and the devo in Development. Back from the Wilds
of Hoboken, NJ (or whatever). He was better off MIA.

Head Nurse Emeritus Holly Grimmett: Semi-Retired with dishonors.

*IN* *MEMORIAM*:

"Doc" Bennie "Borgie" Hutto: Chief Cyber-Bionicist.
Works with all of the
Staph, which is an interesting situation. Supplies cybernetic and bionic
replacement of hideously-damaged body parts of all types. Although brains are
available to replace previously-unused OEMs, we're not guaranteeing intellect,
feelings or self-esteem of the patients will improve. You /will/ get better,
as if you could help it. Prepare to be assimilated, Newbie.
Currently Rusting in Pesos.

Associated with the FlipSide Staph are:

Gypsy Heather Lennox:  She tells your fortune, and charges one. Never take
her predictions too lightly, as she predicted the outcome of the Derby.
Four years early.

Ivan & Dmitri, the Drunken Russian Tank Driving Instructors. Standby
Ambulance drivers and Dust-Off chopper pilots. Fortunately, they're too
drunk to walk at any given moment.

Sergei Ivanov, former medic to deceased Soviet Premiers. Doc Sullivan's
secretary, confidant and whipping boy. No one else wanted the job.

Trust me on this...

"Sweeny" Todd Sullivan
Chief Surgeon, Chief of Faculty and Psychology, FlipSide Medical
Research, Teaching and Cow-Chip Tossing Institution
Chief Cook & Bottle Washer and Proprietor, MC&D Deli
Chief Medical and Logistics Officer, 1275th Attack Dwarves OpFor Regiment

... "Help me, Obi-wan Wesley, you're my only hope!" - Henry

--- Spot 1.3b Unregistered