Hi again, James!  This is a continuation of my previous message:

JB>  The last half of your observations are what bothers me
JB>  about myself. I would *like* to be more self editing,
JB>  but socially, and in written word, I tend to forge forth
JB>  with the subtlety of a low-grade explosive. What you
JB>  gonna do, eh? Here I am, and that's what you get.


         Okay.  I haven't run away screaming, and I don't intend to....  ;-)

         I've often wished I could be more tactful myself... and I'm not
quite sure what you're thinking of here.  But you reported elsewhere that
you'd said "[So-and-So] is a pain the butt!" when someone saw you
fighting back tears.  I wouldn't expect you to say "His apparent
inability to understand how I feel is causing such a strain on me,
emotionally & physically, that it has exacerbated the pain in the upper
end of my sciatic nerve" at a time when you're obviously feeling
overwhelmed.  Either way, I think it's an important point... one which
might be a lot more clear to a lot more people when it's expressed
succinctly.

         I agree that your remark was amusing because you'd inadvertently
told the other person more than they expected to hear.  I also find it
amusing that the metaphor was literally true, however... I'd have laughed
the way I do when Nora comes up with a word or turn of phrase I haven't
heard her use before.  I was delighted when she burped & commented
"That's the aftermath of the calcium pill," for example.  The
element of surprise is one of the factors which makes such incidents
amusing.  Another is a certain willingness to think outside the box...
people who can't do that don't appreciate spontaneous wit or experience the
joy of discovery.  They'd be horrified because Nora didn't say "Excuse
me" and overlook many of the good things Dallas & I see happening
there... (sigh).

         I see that you have the capacity for introspection, together with
the ability to empathize with others... and I think these will take you a
long way toward your goal.  I don't see any indication that you routinely
blame others, as some people do when they are unable to acknowledge their
anger or recognize what triggered it, and I don't see any indication that
you were "name-calling" in So-and-So's presence or in the
presence of someone who was likely to report to him what you'd said. 
However, the above anecdote tells me you have grasped the idea of the
mind/body connection... a very valuable insight... and IMHO no amount of
politically correct language will save people who are afraid to open their
minds in case some new ideas might get in.  Language is a tool just as a
musical instrument is.  It can limit thought... or help refine it.  And if
you can express clearly what needs to be said, I'm reluctant to
interfere....  :-)



JB>  What is kinda irking me now, is the sister that
JB>  researched the neuroma, professed to NOW understand
JB>  what I might be going through. She means well, but
JB>  she must not have been listening, or just plain not
JB>  paying attention for the past few years.


         Hmm... I've found myself in situations like this.  If your sister
has actually read the stuff & she understands what she's read, I guess
it's better late than never.  I imagine you might be feeling rather
frustrated at present, though, if your earlier attempts to communicate the
same ideas didn't register and/or if her offerings are biased in favour of
what she thinks you should do.



JB>  I suppose I should feel lucky that they all care,
JB>  but sometimes their self righteous, judgemental
JB>  opinions get tiring when I have to shove them down
JB>  their throats so often. /-:


         I think it's important to realize that they probably regard their
own behaviour as loving & caring, even when you don't... but expecting
yourself to feel a certain way because you "should" is
counterproductive.  Such people can try the patience of a saint, and it is
very wearing when they keep this up for years on end.  It's also hazardous
to the health to stifle one's feelings time after time in order to avoid
confrontation.  I'd say your feelings are telling you something!  The
challenge is in achieving a suitable balance....  :-)



JB>  One of my pet sayings is, "I hate to tell you I told
JB>  you so, but I'm getting good at it." Shoot, I don't
JB>  want them to *know* what I'm going through. I don't
JB>  even want them to pretend. Just bloody well set your
JB>  preconceived ideas of what I need at the door, shut
JB>  up, and listen. (For 0a change. |-)


         I wish I could add some bright ideas here, but in my experience a
lot of people don't get it unless... or even if... I speak quite bluntly. 
Some of them have thanked me later, and others still can't fathom what I
was on about. I'm inclined to think dealing with human beings is as much an
art as a science
... meaning the results are not always predictable.  However, I may be able
to suggest a few books when you're done with the stuff your sister
found....  ;-)




--- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+