-=> Quoting Janada Oakley to Tom Enright <=-
 TE> RULES IN THE SOUTH
 JO> This was very funny, BTW.
 
 TE> 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed
 TE> later how to use it.
 JO> My grandmother saved it. My mother saved it. I *used* to save it, but
 JO> since neither one of them ever really explained just why I was saving
 JO> it, I gave it up. Yikes! I hope that doesn't come back to haunt me!
 
 Hey it was the only way to start a good pan of gravy in the days before 
 they decided that cholesterol could kill us. Mmmm...grandma's gravy!
 TE> 4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men
 TE> in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a
 TE> tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just
 TE> stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
 JO> Hey, I know these guys! Some of them even do it for a living, but
 JO> there are not nearly as many of them as amateurs.
 
 Are these the same guys who stand out in the rain to fix your flat tire?
 There aren't any of them in Florida, I know that for a fact. The first day 
 we were back (still on our way to here) in Texas my car stalled while my 
 boy was out answering the call of nature in 20 degree weather and not just 
 one or two but THREE trucks pulled over to lend me a hand. 
 Lord, I do love Texas. 
 TE> 5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the
 TE> same store.
 JO> As long as they sell beer, I'd say they'd do a booming business.
 JO> I never thought fishing was that far from television anyway...just
 JO> not quite as stinky. ;)
 
 Watching videos is what you do when you get back from fishing, and you 
 pick up your movie when you buy bait cause you just don't know when you're
 gonna get back. 
 TE> 6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
 JO> Yikes! You mean that cotton candy--...oh yeah, I see what you mean.
 
 TE> 7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth
 TE> cooking, let alone eating.
 JO> It do do wonders for spinach and green beans. I almost gave up eating
 JO> them when I quit eating bacon...but then it hit me...Bacon Bits!!!
 
 Amen, and amen to that. But only REAL bacon bits not those imitation ones.
 TE> 10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
 JO> And the really great thing is that people will actually *help* you in
 JO> the South if you're lost...sometimes more than you ever dreamed. 
 
 Yeah, and if they can't help you they'll usually find someone who can.
 
 TE> 11. People walk slower here.
 JO> We just have more distance to cover. We're actually pacing ourselves.
 
 Why hurry? The store will still be there unless it's cyclone weather, and in
 that case there's still no reason to hurry as you can pick up the stuff as 
 it falls from the sky.
 TE> 15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
 JO> I *love* the South!
 
 Ditto.
 TE> 17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"
 TE> stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will
 TE> ever say.
 JO> I grew up with a lot of guys like that. Come to think of it, most did
 JO> have shorter life spans.
 There's a saying "If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough." 
 Jean Halverson
... Carpe ductum.
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