-=> While eating Chocolate, Desiree had this to say: <=-
 DL> Hi all...
 DL> I wonder if anyone has any suggestions for this problem we've been
 DL> having in regards to the way our 18 year old bosses around my 7 year
 DL> old who is ADHD.
 LJ> 
 LJ> Boy, does this sound familiar.  The main difference is that our
 LJ> teenager has  ADHD.  What does Dad think about all this?  Has he sat
 LJ> down  with your 18 yr old and made it clear that he needs to stay
 LJ> out of the middle of things?  When Jesse (the 17 1/2 yr
 LJ> old) butts in when I am dealing with Kris (the 11 yr old) I
 LJ> normally tell him calmly (or sometimes not ) that the
 LJ> situation is between Kris and me and that he is not invited
 LJ> into the middle of it.  Then I ignore him and go back to
 LJ> Kris. Sometimes he doesn't get the "hint" and I have to
 LJ> tell him to leave the room until we are finished.
 LJ> Now I have found that Kris will sometimes try to get into the middle
 LJ> when I  am disciplining Jesse.  When that happens I do the same
Does Jesse see where this behavior came from??? 
 LJ> thing...tell him that the situation is between Jesse and me
 LJ> and that he is not invited into the middle of it.  He is
 LJ> usually faster on the uptake than Jesse, but that might be
 LJ> because he is not ADHD.
Neither is David, but it seems to take a while to sink in... actually, I
think he really doesn't care how his behavior effects everyone else in the
house. Sad as this sounds.
 LJ> We still have problems with Jesse getting bossy with Kris,
 LJ> but it hasn't been too bad lately as Kris has learned that
 LJ> he can tell Jesse to take a hike and then steadfastly
 LJ> ignore the verbal background noise.  He will also get up
 LJ> and leave the room and leave Jesse talking to himself.
Didn't think of that one... but in 4 weeks or so this problem we have will
be over with. On Sunday hubby talked to David... actually he yelled first
(after months of pent up anger)... it takes alot for Ron to yell but when
he does people tend to listen. Ron decided it was *time* for David to get
his own place (he was planning on moving out with his girlfriend but this
just moved up the date) and go into the real world. It should make for an
interesting time... and our house should calm down a bit, even with Cory
(the child who is ADHD) going off the meds.  I can't say I'm looking
forward to the down time, sort of. ;) Methinks David is in for a very rude
awakening!!!
 DL> Any suggestions... other than kicking out the 18 year old. He's
 DL> planning on moving out with his girlfriend sometime in April (if the
 DL> relationship lasts that long), but in the meantime, he will still be
 DL> here throwing his weight around.
 LJ> Again, it is hard for him to throw his weight around if you
 LJ> and your husband refuse to put up with it.  If you advise
We have, over and over... Ron was so hell bent on getting David through
school but now with the skipping out all over again and problems with him
going to another school and causing problems there, compounded with the
stuff here at home... Ron and I quote "wash my hands of it. I can't do
any more."  And what can I say... Ron has gone farther than many other
parents would have. (BTW... David is his son from a previous marriage, but
I think that was kinda obvious by the age difference of the kids. Even
tho I am old enough to be his natural mother! OUCH!! That hurt! ) Ron
is getting tired and recognizes that the two younger ones need him more.
 LJ> him that he must follow your rules if he wants to continue
 LJ> living at your house, would the 18 yr old move or try to
 LJ> behave?
He's only behaved for 3 weeks after a blowout... it didn't even last this
long this time... this morning (tuesday) he was at it again.  I'm
gonna have to go to the dentist and get my mouth guard fixed so my teeth
don't suffer. What do I do now??? I count to ten and call my closest friend
and talk to her for a while. :)
 LJ> I hope this helped...at least in letting you know that you
 LJ> are not the only one with this type of problem.  You will
 LJ> even find it in families without ADHD kids.
The strange thing is, my sister and I never would dare to pull this one. Mind
you we were both *scared* of our mother. :(
Take care,
Desiree
 LJ> ... Got to go! Dinner's fighting & the kids are burnin ---
Thanks! I stole this for my collection!!! 
... If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
___ Blue Wave/386 v2.30 [NR]
--- Maximus/2 2.01wb
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