03-03-05  10:32, Ardith Hinton told James Bradley about Introductions...  2B.

Well how do, Ardith?

 JB>  with the subtlety of a low-grade explosive. What you

 AH> Okay.  I haven't run away screaming, and I don't intend
 AH> to....  ;-) 

I *have* to run away screaming. I'm typing like an idiot today! I'm
reposting this so I can reply while I'm lying down at the other 'puter.
(Last read pointers being like teeth to pull up and such.) Good stuff
Ardith, but I'm not up to replying right now on this machine. (Need to work
on that NIC!)

New neighbours are moving in. Wonder how long it'll take them to call the
police about my screamin'? 

 AH> I've often wished I could be more tactful myself... and I'm
 AH> not  quite sure what you're thinking of here.  But you reported 
 AH> elsewhere that you'd said "[So-and-So] is a pain the butt!" 
 AH> when someone saw you fighting back tears.  I wouldn't 
 AH> expect you to say "His apparent inability to understand how 
 AH> I feel is causing such a strain on me, emotionally & 
 AH> physically, that it has exacerbated the pain in the upper 
 AH> end of my sciatic nerve" at a time when you're obviously 
 AH> feeling overwhelmed.  Either way, I think it's an important 
 AH> point... one which might be a lot more clear to a lot more 
 AH> people when it's expressed succinctly.

 AH> I agree that your remark was amusing because you'd
 AH> inadvertently  told the other person more than they expected to hear. 
 AH> I  also find it amusing that the metaphor was literally true, 
 AH> however... I'd have laughed the way I do when Nora comes up with a
 AH> word or  turn of phrase I haven't heard her use before.  I was 
 AH> delighted when she burped & commented "That's the aftermath 
 AH> of the calcium pill," for example.  The element of surprise 
 AH> is one of the factors which makes such incidents amusing.  
 AH> Another is a certain willingness to think outside the 
 AH> box... people who can't do that don't appreciate 
 AH> spontaneous wit or experience the joy of discovery.  They'd 
 AH> be horrified because Nora didn't say "Excuse me" and 
 AH> overlook many of the good things Dallas & I see happening 
 AH> there... (sigh).

 AH> I see that you have the capacity for introspection, together
 AH> with  the ability to empathize with others... and I think these 
 AH> will take you a long way toward your goal.  I don't see any 
 AH> indication that you routinely blame others, as some people 
 AH> do when they are unable to acknowledge their anger or 
 AH> recognize what triggered it, and I don't see any indication 
 AH> that you were "name-calling" in So-and-So's presence or in 
 AH> the presence of someone who was likely to report to him 
 AH> what you'd said.  However, the above anecdote tells me you 
 AH> have grasped the idea of the mind/body connection... a very 
 AH> valuable insight... and IMHO no amount of politically 
 AH> correct language will save people who are afraid to open 
 AH> their minds in case some new ideas might get in.  Language 
 AH> is a tool just as a musical instrument is.  It can limit 
 AH> thought... or help refine it.  And if you can express 
 AH> clearly what needs to be said, I'm reluctant to 
 AH> interfere....  :-)
 
 
 
 JB>  What is kinda irking me now, is the sister that
 JB>  researched the neuroma, professed to NOW understand
 JB>  what I might be going through. She means well, but
 JB>  she must not have been listening, or just plain not
 JB>  paying attention for the past few years.


 AH> Hmm... I've found myself in situations like this.  If your
 AH> sister  has actually read the stuff & she understands what she's 
 AH> read, I guess it's better late than never.  I imagine you 
 AH> might be feeling rather frustrated at present, though, if 
 AH> your earlier attempts to communicate the same ideas didn't 
 AH> register and/or if her offerings are biased in favour of 
 AH> what she thinks you should do.
 
 
 
 JB>  I suppose I should feel lucky that they all care,
 JB>  but sometimes their self righteous, judgmental
 JB>  opinions get tiring when I have to shove them down
 JB>  their throats so often. /-:


 AH> I think it's important to realize that they probably regard
 AH> their  own behaviour as loving & caring, even when you don't... 
 AH> but expecting yourself to feel a certain way because you 
 AH> "should" is counterproductive.  Such people can try the 
 AH> patience of a saint, and it is very wearing when they keep 
 AH> this up for years on end.  It's also hazardous to the 
 AH> health to stifle one's feelings time after time in order to 
 AH> avoid confrontation.  I'd say your feelings are telling you 
 AH> something!  The challenge is in achieving a suitable 
 AH> balance....  :-)
 
 
 
 JB>  One of my pet sayings is, "I hate to tell you I told
 JB>  you so, but I'm getting good at it." Shoot, I don't
 JB>  want them to *know* what I'm going through. I don't
 JB>  even want them to pretend. Just bloody well set your
 JB>  preconceived ideas of what I need at the door, shut
 JB>  up, and listen. (For 0a change. |-)


 AH> I wish I could add some bright ideas here, but in my
 AH> experience a  lot of people don't get it unless... or even if... I
 AH> speak  quite bluntly.  Some of them have thanked me later, and 
 AH> others still can't fathom what I was on about. I'm inclined 
 AH> to think dealing with human beings is as much an art as a 
 AH> science
 AH> ... meaning the results are not always predictable.  
 AH> However, I may be able to suggest a few books when you're 
 AH> done with the stuff your sister found....  ;-)




 AH> -!- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+
 AH>  ! Origin: Wits' End, Vancouver BC, CANADA [604-266-5271] (1:153/716)



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