-=> Quoting Desiree Louvre to All <=-
 DL> Hi all...
 DL> I wonder if anyone has any suggestions for this problem we've been
 DL> having in regards to the way our 18 year old bosses around my 7 year
 DL> old who is ADHD.
 DL> David (the 18 year old) likes to throw his weight around especially
 DL> when it comes to Cory (the 7 year old). When we are trying to
 DL> discipline Cory for something David feels it is his 'right' to get his
 DL> 2 cents worth in also. It gets extremely irritating, not to mention
 DL> that Cory now feels like everyone is picking on him and bossing him
 DL> around. We have told David repeatedly to butt out and that the
 DL> discipline is up to his father and I AND when it comes right down to
 DL> it, it is none of his business why Cory got into trouble in the first
 DL> place. He doesn't see the problem. Some mornings around here get
 DL> ballistic when I have told David to just worry about getting himself
 DL> ready for school and mind his own business. HIS behavior disrupts the
 DL> whole household, sometimes *more* than Cory's does. My anxiety is what
 DL> is all of this doing to Cory???? I know how he feels because he has no
 DL> Any suggestions... other than kicking out the 18 year old. He's
 DL> planning on moving out with his girlfriend sometime in April (if the
 DL> relationship lasts that long), but in the meantime, he will still be
 DL> here throwing his weight around.
 It seems to mean David needs a taste of his own medicine.  You and your
 husband may try giving it to him one day and then later that day have
 him go back to the feelings it gave him and explain to him what it is
 doing to his brother.
 Also, either he dislikes his brother alot or (and this is the one I
 suspect) he is trying desperately to keep his brother from making the
 same mistakes as himself.  He is probably trying to make him a better
 person than himself.  Not that I agree to what he is doing mind you.
 If it were me, I would probably give him ultimatums.  First off, you
 say he is going to school.  Is this high school?  You may try writing
 a contract with him telling him to abide by the rules or get out.  I
 am a firm believer in this rule at that age.  My children all know they
 have to move at 18.  Unless they are in school.  If they are not (even
 if they quit at 16) they will then need to get a job and pay rent and
 so forth.  I intend not to be easy on them as the world outside is not
 easy.
 My daughter at 14 had alot of problems.  She ran away several times and
 so forth.  I was recommended a book on Tough Love by a Juvenile Officer.
 Who did not have a problem with me kicking out a 15 year old.  I did not
 kick her out, but she did leave several times.  I followed the book emensly
 as it opened a door of communication and understanding I never thought I
 could have with her.  Later she moved out at 17 again on a more permanent
 basis.  She finally asked to come home and rule was she had to get her
 GED.  She came back, got her GED, got and paid for her own car, and later
 on moved out herself again.  The point is that sometimes you just have to
 let go of your kids and worry about the ones that you have at home.
 Her and I now (shes 22) have the best relationship there can be.  We talk
 about her problems back then and what she felt I did wrong, what she did
 wrong and so forth.  They have to make the choices at that age.  We may
 hate them, we may feel they are making the biggest mistake there is, but
 we have to let them go.  At David's age he is hurting the little one more
 than he knows, and he is old enough to take the consequences for his 
ctions.
 Let him know this.
 This is only my opinion, it may seem harsh, but sometimes harsh lessons
 make the best children.  Good Luck.
 Regina
... "Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again." - L. Long
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