> Here is my case formulation of you, as of last we talked, which
admittedly was several years ago. You most likely meet criteria for an Axis
II delusional disorder, as your psychiatrist(s) diagnosed you with. An Axis
II disorder is generally less severe than an Axis I disorder. You don't
meet criteria for schizophrenia, which involves delusions, hallucinations
and disordered thinking. You only have delusions, and those delusions that
you have are not severe in intensity. Your logical understanding of
causality is not impaired, but you sometimes engage in delusions as a
defence mechanism to protect your self-esteem and manage core identity
issues.
> >
>

 "Never surrender dreams". I had to surrender *all* my dreams (my
delusions) in becoming sane! I took me about 7 years and during that time I
have been committed two times into a mental institution. On the bright side
I have learned that Vantu is just as fictional creation as Santa or the
Easter Bunny. I am no longer letting him drive mine life with the help of
proper medication!
 
> Psychiatrists often speak of "delusional guilt". My
interpretation of delusional guilt is that it typically involves a negative
schema, combined with an impairment in your ability to use rational
evidence to counter the negative thoughts you've had about yourself.
> >
>

I have a very low self-esteem indeed!
 
> Your IQ seems to be above average (tests can measure it more
precisely), and you're smart enough to learn more than one language. Your
vocabulary in English, which isn't your first language, is pretty good.
Your ability to understand the world around you does not seem to be
impaired, except for your negative self-image and delusions pertaining to
yourself and your core identity. The Babylon 5 questions, such as "Who
are you?" and "What do you want" are worth considering.
They're not easy questions to answer. It's painful to be yourself, so you
use delusions as a form of escapism.
> >
>

And I have used delusions also as a mask.


> Last we talked, you were comfortable and perhaps even enthusiastic
about receiving help and support in this newsgroup. Consequently, I'm
assuming that you're consenting to hearing the above material publicly.
Please accept my apologies in the event that this assumption of mine was
inaccurate.
> >
>

No apologizes needed, this assumption of you is accurate!
 
> It's pretty quiet in here these days, and I'm not going to be around
much. That's why I figured I'd give you this formulation now,
for you to take away with you if you wish. I'd like to be clear that
nothing I say to you online can take the place of formal therapy in
"real life" in your local area. So, if you're seeing
professionals such as a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist, please be
guided by them. If you wish to print out this post of mine and show it to a
professional you're seeing locally, please feel free to do so.
> >
>

Thank you for the information! I am on anti depressants and anti psychotics
and am seeing a psychiatrist regularly


> The reason we lost contact is not due to your psychosis, or anything
about you, or anything that you said or did. I simply got too busy doing
other things, and lost contact with other people besides you. I'm not very
good at keeping up with email correspondence. I'd lose my head if it wasn't
screwed on. Your apology is definitely accepted, and wasn't necessary in
the first place.
> >
>

Thank you for accepting my apologies, I hope you aren’t offended that I
have responded late to your posting in this newsgroup

> Take care, and I wish you all the best. I'll hopefully see you on this
newsgroup again sometime.
>>
>

You will see me frequently 

Until Next Time

Jan-Willem
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