Hello Matthew

>I still read this newsgroup occasionally, but not very often. I'm
preoccupied with other matters right now, and have a very busy
>schedule. Also, I have Aspergers, which impairs my organisation and
time management. 

What is Asparagus?

>It's nice to see you again. I hope you are well. I didn't feel offended
or bothered by anything you said in email. I'm guessing that >you have
sometimes been rejected by other people in social situations in the past,
and that you feel confused about why this >is. So, you're left wondering
what's OK to say and what isn't. Social situations must feel like an
invisible minefield to you, and >this must be a tough burden to live
with. You are very brave and strong to continue trying your best in the
face of all this. 

It is also nice to see you, I am well. I am sorry that I have responded so late

>You don't need to feel so guilty and apologetic all the time. You're a
good person and you contribute positively to the world >around you. You
try your best in the face of difficult circumstances that are beyond your
control. There are plenty of selfish >jerks around, and you're not one
of them. That janitor you told me about seems like a nasty bully and a
prize idiot. 

I no longer do the job I really hate and despise; many years ago I have
lost my job and I am one extended sick leave ever since. I am doing
voluntary work that gives me no stress at all. So I am not so desperate any
more and I am waiting with patience for things to come…

In which way am I contribute positively to the world around me? Most of the
time I am feeling that I am a burden to JMS.

>Here is my case formulation of you, as of last we talked, which
admittedly was several years ago. You most likely meet criteria >for an
Axis II delusional disorder, as your psychiatrist(s) diagnosed you with. An
Axis II disorder is generally less severe than >an Axis I disorder. You
don't meet criteria for schizophrenia, which involves delusions,
hallucinations and disordered thinking. >You only have delusions, and
those delusions that you have are not severe in intensity. Your logical
understanding of causality >is not impaired, but you sometimes engage in
delusions as a defence mechanism to protect your self-esteem and manage
>core identity issues. 

I don’t meet criteria of schizophrenia because I am on medication against
my delusions.

>psychiatrists often speak of "delusional guilt". My
interpretation of delusional guilt is that it typically involves a negative
schema, >combined with an impairment in your ability to use rational
evidence to counter the negative thoughts you've had about >yourself. 

I have a negative self-image I am suffering of.

>Your IQ seems to be above average (tests can measure it more
precisely), and you're smart enough to learn more than one >language.
Your vocabulary in English, which isn't your first language, is pretty
good. Your ability to understand the world >around you does not seem to
be impaired, except for your negative self-image and delusions pertaining
to yourself and your >core identity. The Babylon 5 questions, such as
"Who are you?" and "What do you want" are worth
considering. They're not >easy questions to answer. It's painful to be
yourself, so you use delusions as a form of escapism. 

I have learned through "Who are you?" and "What do you
want" that Vantu is just as fictional creation as Santa or the Easter
Bunny. I am no longer letting him drive mine life with the help of proper
medication!  

>Last we talked, you were comfortable and perhaps even enthusiastic
about receiving help and support in this newsgroup. >Consequently, I'm
assuming that you're consenting to hearing the above material publicly.
Please accept my apologies in the >event that this assumption of mine
was inaccurate. 

Your assumption was accurate, no need to apologize; it gives us something
to talk about it in this newsgroup.

>It's pretty quiet in here these days, and I'm not going to be around
much. That's why I figured I'd give you this formulation now, >for you
to take away with you if you wish. I'd like to be clear that nothing I say
to you online can take the place of formal >therapy in "real
life" in your local area. So, if you're seeing professionals such as a
psychiatrist or clinical psychologist, please >be guided by them. If you
wish to print out this post of mine and show it to a professional you're
seeing locally, please feel free >to do so. 

I am seeing professionals such as psychiatrist.  I have been committed two
times into a mental institution before they had find the right doses to
defeat my schizophrenia .

>The reason we lost contact is not due to your psychosis, or anything
about you, or anything that you said or did. I simply got >too busy
doing other things, and lost contact with other people besides you. I'm not
very good at keeping up with email >correspondence. I'd lose my head if
it wasn't screwed on. Your apology is definitely accepted, and wasn't
necessary in the first >place. 

Thank you for accepting my apology…

>Take care, and I wish you all the best. I'll hopefully see you on this
newsgroup again sometime
I am visiting it on a daily basis now I have found you
--- SBBSecho 2.20-Win32