G'day Bob,

Tuesday November 26 1996 10:53, Bob Lawrence wrote to Gaelyne Gasson:

 BL>> Just in time for summer, the flies, and the 40 degrees.
 BL>
 GG>> Well, timing isn't everything. I'd of liked to have been back
 GG>> the same day I left.
 BL>
 BL>   Nothing changes in Adelaide anyway.

 The temperature changes between seasons.  After spending a year in
 Adelaide, of this much I'm certain.  (Well, mostly certain).

 BL>> Bloody whinging immigrants... we give you a whole country and
 BL>> all you can do is whinge about a lousy 45c stamp.
 BL>
 GG>> 45c stamp, my arse! Twas a $13.99US "courier" fee, not a bloody
 GG>> stamp.
 BL>
 BL>   It sounds like you are *really* keen.

 Considering it was my passport and Visa, it's not something you want
 just anyone getting their hands on, after all.

 GG>> The tickets are sorted out. I leave Saginaw on 10 Dec and

 All tickets, passport and Visa are in my possession now.  :-)

 GG>> arrive home on 13 Dec. I get two suitcases to stuff the
 GG>> remnants of this life into and the rest will have to stay
 GG>> behind.
 BL>
 BL>   Always going home...
 BL>
 BL>   How do you feel... renewed, or sad to quit the old life?

 A bit of both...

 Actually, I've been so busy that I've not had much time to feel
 anything more than exhausted.  I finished writing my book on 11 Nov,
 and since that time have been going flat chat trying to take care
 proofing, editing and formatting.  It's 17 chapters and 4 appendices
 of material, and I want it finished by time I leave on the 10th.

 As to waxing philosophical, I haven't really given myself time.  I can
 say that I've come to like each of my kids as individuals.  The time
 away from them and knowing I'm leaving again has given me a new
 perspective.  I still very much believe they will have things better
 for them with me not there.  It doesn't mean I won't be communicating
 with them, as each have learned how to do email and I've taught the
 oldest how to pick up mail and send it using his Dads computer so
 when Mike is away or too busy to start the computer up, they can still
 reach me.

 I will truly miss my oldest.  He's gone from being a gangly little
 twit to a really decent teenager - the kind you never read about but
 know exists.  He's now taller than me and has a deeper voice, which
 changed in the last 7 months. I'm quite proud of him as he's seems to
 fit in with the world around him (not the nicest of places) very well,
 and there was a time when I reckoned he'd never quite fit anywhere.

 All three of the kids realise that their Mom is different, and that
 I'll never be happy unless I'm where I belong.  I'm fortunate that
 they do understand, and I've done my best to make sure they know I'm
 not leaving them (personally) but that I won't be here.

 Mike is still a nice person, and as a friend I quite like him.  Our
 divorce will be final in the next few weeks.  We've already been to
 court to deal with child support (neither of us "caused" this, it's a
 state thing).  It was definitely different because we arrived and left
 together, and confused the attorney who though he was supposed to be
 trashing Mike (I hate lawyers), but found out he had to trash me
 instead.  It worked out in the end.

 Mike's let me stay here, fed me, paid for smokes when I've been broke
 and is generally understanding of my feelings about us, life, and
 where my home really is. There aren't many people like him.  He wants
 me to go Christmas shopping for the kids with him (he likes shopping,
 I don't), and I'll do that.  He also wants to take the kids and me to
 a major tourist attraction here - the largest Christmas store in the
 world... (as in Christmas related ornaments, etc).  I probably will...
 but will still have heart attacks keeping the kids from touching
 anything. That, and I want to bring back postcards and whatnots of the
 place to show Rod (and especially Vicki).

 Aside from the fact we don't sleep together or have any physical
 contact, most people would assume we're still married and that all is
 status quo. We both deserve more than that, though.

 My Dad kept forgetting I was ever leaving for Australia (last year),
 and this time changes the subject whenever I tell him about the
 application being approved, so I know he's not happy about it, but
 he's not come out and said as much.  Last year he missed the
 opportunity to say goodbye because he never listened when I told him
 the date, till I called him the morning my plane was to leave and he
 acted surprised.  I have now told him twice what day the plane leaves
 this time, and I KNOW he understands that I won't be back (or at least
 not for a very long time).  If he forgets on purpose, well...

 My Mother isn't alive, but she knew about Rod before she died.

 My brothers and sisters seem to have accepted that I don't belong
 here, and that I need to be where I do belong.  Even my sister Pam has
 finally reached this stage, thankfully.  I'll see her in Atlanta, just
 for an overnight stay before I get on the plane for Australia. I'll
 miss her, and it's been nice to be able to chat on the phone with her
 while I've been here, as I know she won't call Oz.

 BL>   That's a good part about being a Scorpio, I'm good at quitting and
 BL> walking off cold. I start a new life every 20 years.

 It's a lot like knowing you're dying, I reckon.  There's pain, and
 there's something to "look forward to," and there's waiting.

 At least I know where I'm going, and that it's where I belong. Unlike
 dying, I can take two suitcases full of my past life with me, and have
 Email contact with those left behind.

 The thing is, Mike told me before I left the first time that "half the
 time you're not even *HERE* ... you're over there!"  And it's been
 true this time too.  My body is in USA, but my heart and soul never
 left Australia. And somedays this separation is really hard to take.

 And then, due to the fact Rod and I have daily communication with each
 other and he sends me AVTech mail, plus I read the Australian news
 online (Sydney Morning Herald), I tend to know MORE of what is
 happening in Oz most of the time than I do what's going on here. It's
 weird.

 I look forward to feeling whole again.

 
 

 BL>   In any case, the World is a pretty manageable size nowadays and Oz
 BL> is not a bad place to be... even Adelaide.

Or a few KM south, even.  :-)

Cheers,
Gaelyne

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