On or about 01-02-06 23:46, Ardith Hinton did engage James Bradley


 JB>  Something about the personality of a person really
 JB>  shows up when you're in a moment of peril.


 AH>           Yes, adversity tends to bring out the best & the worst in
 AH> people! The canoeing incident is an example.  You pointed out that
 AH> a person may be forced to change gears very quickly if
 AH> whatever they're doing isn't working... and I think it's
 AH> good to be able to recognize when one needs to make such
 AH> changes.  But it's not always easy to be sure, except in
 AH> retrospect, whether one is doing the right thing.  Nora's
 AH> teacher thinks emotionally because that's her preferred
 AH> reasoning style.  I can't say she was wrong, if she got the
 AH> kids to shore safely....  :-))

Any landing you can walk away from...

Like I say with a persons intent - Nora's teacher has a great heart, but might
learn a little patience, or trust that the practised people in the instructors
roll, might actually know what they are doing. Me, I would tend to
underestimate my ability to deal with these challenges if charged, but I would
also try to garner as much expertise available in a written form and in the
form of warm bodies. If I didn't have complete faith that my assembled team
could deal with what comes at them, I could not sleep at night, knowing I might
put anyone in peril. Others can sleep well with the knowledge that they are
hacks. 

Now, I was also on the excursion that I mentioned, that was under-talented, and
overextended. For the whole morning, I was perplexed why someone hadn't
capsized yet, when my bow paddler leaned into the stream of the river. This
coupled to the power the river exerts on the bottom of the boat, and my dog
looking over the gunwall... I've told this story, I know.

Now, if I go with a 'leader', I ask to see a map first. "Your plan is to make
it up as you go along? How many rookies will there be?"

It's one thing to take an experienced crew on a thrill ride, but with
tourists... That does no one any good.


 JB>  If there's a personality you don't know beside you,
 JB>  things are much more interesting than if you have
 JB>  the local sourpuss/disaster on legs - I find myself
 JB>  really short with.


 AH>           Hmm.  I gather there was some friction between you & your
 AH> mother while you were on this trip.  There was also some friction

What was your first clue? 

I just preferred to meet new people. If - half way through the day - our skills
or personalities don't match, we can shake hands and exchange pleasantries
without a great deal invested. I also had some GREAT times this way,
unencumbered. 

You know, we all want our loved ones to be perfect, and to treat us with
extolling virtue. When we see them fail that, we fully realize this human
condition we are in. Now, my stories aren't always as funny as what I intended
them to be, and the B-I-L just today made a joke that no one but me understood.
I thought it was a little risque, so I sat on my hands until he was asked to
elaborate. It was the bent I had suspected, so I chimed in with a, "I thought
that was where you were going, but in light of our younger company..." 

Now, everything said tonight was all in good humour. No one was hurtful, even
if there was a few crude remarks, they were not said to spite anyone.

I said at least twice, how lucky we were that we can treat each other with good
humour, and if not always tactically proper, anything said is with the interest
of helping the other. Sure I complain to you (Mostly... Sorry for using you as
a shrink, BTW. ;-) about how this sister did this, and how dad is actually a
prototype for Homer Simpson... But even Homer Simpson has a huge heart as does
my dear old dad.

Now, on the drive there, I noticed a typical "I stay in one lane, and I always
go [THIS] route..." Twice, I asked if he had a steering wheel on his side, or
if he wanted to drive instead. Nothing heated, or malicious, but I think it is
sinking in how he can demand someone does something for him, and how much he
will complain the whole time it is being done for him.

As with any family, there were some rocky times when I was 'pulling that rope'
as hard as I could, but I think I have learnt to 'drop it' in favour of some
decorum. When forced to be next to someone in a confined space, and expounding
on the familiarity of a family member, nerves can be tested in all but a
perfect Beaver, and the Cleavers' situation.

The reason I am a good nitpicker, is I have to pick pretty deep to find those
nits. Again, sorry if I have gone on too long, but somehow, you tend to pull
that out of me. It's all your fault. O-8*

 AH> between me & my mother when my father had his major
 AH> stroke... another moment of peril.  I realized my mother
 AH> felt a loss of control, and I had come to terms with that
 AH> as an oncology parent. IMHO the appropriate action is to
 AH> direct one's energy into not allowing a stupid microbe or
 AH> whatever to control one's life... not trying to control
 AH> other people! I could have told her many things years
 AH> earlier, but she wasn't paying attention then.  So I
 AH> assured my mother (for example) that I'd shut the same gate
 AH> I'd been faithfully shutting for thirty years... I said
 AH> "yes" when she asked me to hold a door open for her, as if
 AH> I wasn't already doing it... and I was a bit short with her
 AH> when she demanded I park in a certain spot, then complained
 AH> that there was a puddle just outside the passenger door.
 AH> No doubt my mother was distressed about my father's
 AH> condition.  So was I.  But maybe the factor which
 AH> distressed me most was feeling I had to do all of the
 AH> understanding in this relationship... (sigh).

See, like me tripping over dad while he awkwardly holds the door for me, the
alternative is he slams it in my face. Now, I tease that I could give him some
encouragement with the stick, but I never would. I may like to, but I likely
will never be that mad at him again. The year is young though. 

Again, how much are we supposed to put up with, and are we overreacting, or
nipping it in the bud? Like I'd like to see from my loved ones, is an
impeccably timed smart remark that breaks tension, and everyone has a good
laugh. Sometimes my attempts at humour is rightly or wrongly taken as rudeness.

 AH>  I would be inclined to suggest the 21 yo grow up
 AH>  before getting married....  :-)))

 JB>  Wouldn't it be nice to live in a perfect world?
 JB>  What's your postal code there? I want to invest
 JB>  in *that* real-estate! O-8*


 AH>           Another friend says I have both feet firmly on
 AH> the ground & my head in the clouds.  Third star on the
 AH> right, straight on until morning... [chuckle].

Avast yar, hoist the yard arm, we sail at first light. Now... What star was
that?

 JB>  Now, I did tell her about hypothermia and how it
 JB>  mixes with alcohol, but only after she was bragging
 JB>  about an all-night bush party in the winter.


 AH>           Uh-huh.  The prefrontal lobes are not yet fully
 AH> developed & she's much better able to accept advice from
 AH> her cousin James than from her mother....  ;-)

Add alcohol, and that pre-frontal doesn't stand a chance! Now, maybe you can
settle a long standing debate I raise. What *is* the name for my cousin's kids
to me? I get a lot of "Second cousins" but *my* children would be second
cousins to them. I say, "Uncle once removed".



 JB>  I'm starting to think more kids should be having kids,
 JB>  while they still know everything.


 AH>           I'm not convinced of the wisdom of having kids at that age...
 AH> but I do believe human beings are pre-programmed to leave the
 AH> nest while they still think they know everything!  If they
 AH> really knew, they might lose their nerve....  :-/


About the moving out, mine was smooth as butter on a hot day. I'm pretty sure I
was more ready to start a family early, than my *common* sense was telling me.
Doctors I have heard on the topic, say the 'women' are back to their normal
weight in two weeks, and they spring out of their chairs ready to make more
babies. 

I think a lot of extended family societies have a very workable system. The
kids have kids, and the grand-parents and siblings take up a lot of the slack,
with all *sorts* of checksums in the mix.



... James
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