7.  KAPT. KANADA LOCATES ELUSIVE IRAQI 'WMDS'!
    -- AND FIVE OTHER MAJOR NEWS SCOOPS
    by Manuel Miles 
    Special to TLE      http://www.webleyweb.com/tle/>     Issue 221

As we pause between imperial invasions, allow me to share some revelations
(Nostradamus got nothin' on me, man), in no particular order:

1. The "WMD's" will be found at the same place (and time) as the
100 000 "massacred Albanians" of Serbia's Kosovo province.
"And where," I hear you ask, "is that, exactly?" Here's
your first hint: where the sun do not shine, the rain do not fall and the
White House maid ain't likely to look when doing the spring cleaning in
little Georgie Bubbaya's room.

The government-mouthpiece media of the entire "western world"
seem to be suffering the same outbreak of CRS [see my article on this topic
in a previous edition of TLE] in regard to the pre-invasion claims of WMDs
as they did about the mythological genocide perpetrated against the poor,
helpless KLA drug-and-prostitution gangs.

Pity that; it's certainly well worth remembering. The media repeated the
KLA's lies over and over; they showcased a US general foaming at the mouth
about it in "prime time" while jabbing a pointer stick at a
satellite photo of a farmer's spring ploughing: "We know exactly where
this mass grave is and we're going to go there and show you as soon as we
hit the ground! Then you'll know that we were telling the truth about what
the Serbs have been doing!" Farmers everywhere looked at that photo
and immediately experienced a revelation about
the Pentagon's idea of "truth".

Nat Hentoff keeps asking, "Where are the media now?" in reference
to the lies they repeat on behalf of their big brother, Big Government.
Well, I have discovered the location of the media, too: they're
"in-bedded" beneath their government minders, receiving their
revelations where the sun do not shine, et cetera...

By the way, this week the media's Big Revelation is that, "Syria has
weapons of mass destruction." I'd tell you where those are, too, but
you wouldn't want me to spoil the surprise for you, eh?

2. The Left and the Right are both completely morally bankrupt. Oh come on
-- this one doesn't really need any further elucidation, now does it?! I
just thought I'd remind you, that's all.

3. He who controls the topic of conversation wins the argument. This is
something which I discovered in my wayward youth. The media brainwash the
masses of the sheeple on behalf of the Almighty Damned State by controlling
what is discussed (and when), as much as what is said about it. (Of course,
that second element is not overlooked, and they lie as a matter of policy,
too.) The government school systems work in the same way. We'll just keep
yapping about evolution until you think there are no alternative theories
out there, kiddies.

The import of all this? We, the peaceniks/Libertarians, need to keep
harping on the right topics: "Where, exactly, are my confiscated
earnings (taxes) going, and why?" and "Where are the `mass
graves' containing 100 000 Albanians?" and "Where are the
`WMDs'?" and "Is it true that you bastards had planned to invade
Iraq long before the attack on the World Trade Center?" and "Have
the victims of the Israeli attack on the USS Liberty been compensated
yet?" and "Why are you cutting $15 billion from the budget of the
VA in the immediate aftermath of yet another war?" and "How
were/are the victims of `Gulf
War Syndrome' treated?" and "What about the WMDs of Fort
Detrick?" and on and on and on.

It is our duty to be relentless in holding the warmongers responsible for
their lies and actions.

4. We hippies were right all along -- about everything, but especially
peace and long hair. Thomas Jefferson had long hair. So did Jesus Christ.
The "crew cut" legions sport no heros of civilisation, however,
unless one considers Lt Calley and Lt Kerrey to be heroic. Rightists of all
shades, paleo- and neo- and crypto- and every other prefixated fascist
variety, have been whining about
how us nasty, hirsute hippies destroyed the wonderful "western
civilisation" of yesteryear. Well, if we had managed to destroy it,
I'd be proud and glad of it, too, because it was a putrid, rotten,
unimaginative, baggy-pants, bowtie-wearing, undead ghoul. The
"culture" of today's Bush-Clinton-Bush Regime is simply the
unholy resurrection of that reeking zombie.

As for peace, if I have to convince you on that one, you obviously don't
know the first thing about war. `Peace -- back by popular demand!' I
personally brought back the flashing of the "peace sign" (index
and middle finger upraised in a "V") in Edmonton. Like, peace,
man.

5. War has one good effect: it makes it easier to see who stands where.
This is useful information for several reasons: for us peaceniks, it makes
it clear who really is against all wars of aggression, and who is a
"summer soldier" of peace; it shows who values their security and
comfort above all else; it reveals the imperial apologists and other fifth
columnists in our ranks.

The follow-through is that we must denounce those people. I'll start: Pat
Buchanan is a statist and a xenophobic bigot. His stand against antiwar
activity (once the shootin' git started, yew has to support the troops,
blah blah blah), and his constant yammering agin them thar furriners are
not exactly secret any longer. All nationalism is essentially fascistic,
and I say to hell with it. You heard it here first, folks.

Anyone who wants to "save American culture" had better locate it
first, anyway. I wonder how many of the loudmouthed "culture
patriots" have ever read Mark Twain's article exposing a "news
report" of US soldiers' slaughter of Filipino nationalist villagers?
Now, that is a vital part of the USA's cultural heritage, gringos!

All the thinly-disguised racism of the "defend the borders"
propaganda is really quite funny, seeing that the borders being
"invaded" (by Mexicans) are those of the territories invaded and
seized from Mexico by the US Empire in an earlier day. Besides, where is
the hue and cry against the damned under-tipping Canadians who are
infesting Florida?! Sorry, but you can't be selectively anti-imperial any
more than you can be selectively anti-furriner. You are, as el presidente
reminds us, either fer us or agin us, in the anti-imperial movement every
bit as much as in the pro-imperial camp.

You have to weed a garden in order for it to grow. Libertarians should
remember that this spring.

And finally ...

6. The Canadian government's alleged "defiance" of its masters of
war in DC is a myth dreamt up by the government-controlled
"mainstream" media. The truth is that the Armed Farces of Canada
have no more soldiers to send to Iraq. They're stretched to the breaking
point doing their American masters' dirty work in Afghanistan and Bosnia
already.

Sending the handful of remaining Canadian soldiers to Iraq would have
required the use of US armed forces logistics. The Canadian government can
not only not transport its soldiers, but it cannot properly clothe and feed
them, either. In Yugoslavia, the troops were recently literally starving,
and had to beg food from the French and British. In Afghanistan, they had
summer woodland camouflage BDUs for winter warfare in the barren mountains,
and they used house paint to attempt to "adjust" them. You don't
terrify terroristas when your troops are a laughingstock, amigo.

It's easy to "refuse" to do something that is impossible in the
first place; the trick is to take a stand of principle when you could have
done the opposite. Me, I recommend that the Government of Canada do an
about face and take a stand for ...

... Peace and Liberty.

---