Bob, at 08:34 on Apr 22 1996, you wrote to Bill Grimsley...

BL> I *hate* the new hardware shops. I used to like the days when you
BL> grabbed a handful of nails out of the box, put then in the brass tray
BL> and the man balanced themn up with little weights and figured a
BL> price in his head. Now they're all in little poofy plastic bags.

Which means that somebody has already weighed them, packed them, and
figured out the price in advance, in order to save fucking around with some
wanker who only wants 20 nails from a box of 10,000 when the shop's full of
customers on a busy Saturday morning...  Give me the poofy little bags any
day!

BG> True. I always check the small print before buying, and will
BG> always take the Australian product if there's a choice, even if
BG> it's a bit dearer. 

BL> I don't mind buying foreign, but I've got a short list of acceptably
BL> civiklised countries.

Doing your bit for the balance of trade, I see.  :)

BL> I bought a tin of Irish ham the other day, but
BL> only after serious debate with myself (it was crook anyway).

Yeah, their protestant ham is awful.  Try their catholic ham next time.

BG> In case you're interested, "Morning Fresh" dishwashing liquid
BG> works well on hair. Detergent is basically just a water
BG> softener anyway. 

BL> Jeeze! You're meaner than I am. What do you use for a conditioner...
BL> sump oil?

What the fuck is conditioner?

BG> When you're saving say $15 every $100 spent, tripping over a
BG> few empty boxes is tolerable, and could even mean a $10 million
BG> 3rd party damages payout if you're really lucky, and break your leg. 

BL> My thoughts exactly.

What, the cheaper groceries, or the chance of a $10m 3rd party payout?

BG> I even had some ignorant cow of a woman ask me if she could go
BG> next the other day. All she had was a box of Band-aids, and she
BG> reckoned that her baby was outside the shop bleeding to death,
BG> but being a suspicious bastard, I told her to fuck off to the
BG> end of the queue. 

BL> ROFL! Quite right, too. She'd only end up paying for the Bandaids by
BL> EFTPOS, and the card would bounce, and the baby would bleed to death
BL> anyway. It's better that women like that don't have descendants.

Might have been even better if they'd have no ancestors either, but one
can't help bad luck, I guess.  Re the EFTPOS, I was in our local Coles
yesterday, and a really weird looking fellow in front of me bought a
plastic bag of elastic bands, cost $0.80.  And then paid for it with his
bloody Mastercard!  Fucking hell, doesn't he realise that there's a $1.00
transaction fee on that?

BG> To be fair, it's the only social enjoyment they get, apart from
BG> watching the afternoon soapies. My favourite trick is to look
BG> at the checkout chick's name tag (usually pinned to her left
BG> breast) and ask her what she calls the other one.

BL> ROFL!! What a bastard you are.

Why thank you!  I've been doing that for years, and the really sad thing is
that on average, only around 10% of chicks actually get the joke (and half
of those appear really offended, for some inexplicable reason).  :)

BL> The checkout-chicks in Jewel seem to be fourteen and they don't have 
BL> breasts yet. I think hey use children in the hope that we won't yell at 
BL> them so much.

Or to attract the paedophiles.  Good business IMO.  :)

BG> Sadly, most just say "what do you mean?". What a waste of a
BG> good joke! 

BL> They're only fourteen. Women don't develop a sense of humour (if
BL> any) until they are 63, and only then for 6 months.

I strongly disagree.  I believe you'll find it's more like 7 months.

Regards, Bill

--- Msgedsq/2 3.20