Goodness...what a story?  Sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner, have 
been traveling and few free moments.
 
This is my personal views based on my experience in CoDA, take what you like!
To me recovery isn't years in a program or sober.  Recovery is transformation 
and change.
 
The answer, the solution, is the steps...it is always the steps.  Every 
situation..the steps.  I would say to simply work the steps in relation this 
this person and you really can't go wrong.  
You are close to this situation and sounds like you have been sucked up in 
working.....You and AlAnon are right...detach and work the steps on it.
 
God Bless you Sister,
 
Thom 
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