It sounds like your family situation is getting out of hand.  You might 
consider going for counseling with your wife: in many family situations where 
one person has an intractable problem, the whole family dynamic becomes 
distorted.  Curiously, if the rest of the family goes for counseling it often 
improves the entire situation including for the person who is the source of 
the disturbance.
It may not help your son, but if he doesn't have the background of a stable, 
balanced family life that will make things worse.  If nothing else, you have 
to preserve the well-being of the rest of the family lest you all be 
destroyed.
This is the kind of thing that they recommend for families of alcoholics and 
drug addicts (hence Al-Anon).
Jerry Schwartz
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