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Well Janada, Randy's still at it.  He posted this e-mail the
other day.  He's even talking about the business he's going to 
open up when he retires.  "Randy's Mortuary and Bait Shop", the 
movie rentals will be in the shed out back.
 RULES IN THE SOUTH
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later
   how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as
   "Bubba".  You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we
   can stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
   the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow
   chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay
   out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
   store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking,
   let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All
   y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a
   southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston
   accent.
10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11. People walk slower here.
12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
    understand you either.
13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
    Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in
    "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin
    their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression.
    One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer
    proper.
15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until
    the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn
    down.
17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"
    stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will
    ever say.
18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore
    those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car
    with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it
    was on when the car was purchased.
19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of
    their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other
    drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can
    wait until November.
22. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even
    the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is
    required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if
    you need anything from the store, it is just something you're
    supposed to do.
23. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you
    purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your
    trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost
    considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be
    displayed.
24. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot
    in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose
    a trailer.
 >>> Continued to next message...
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