In regard to your question
#1 oh shute!
#2 oh shute
then the investigation. while it is still fresh and in your mind and off 
center.
I read the my statement reuced to writing by a Metro Homicide Detective and 
almost signed a statement worded so as to state something I didn't that could 
have been a big problem if it hadn't been caught.
keep in mind I worked very long strenous hours for many days and under those 
conditions fatigue happens, and reading suffers.
I went home after I was told the matter would be presented to grand jury at 
some point in future.
first call was to an old bosss where I finally broke down and blubbered.
THEN I got mad at perp for doing this to me! because I had done everything 
right but it just didn't work.  I still get mad at him when I think about 
situation
Of course a Company attorney was involved and probability of a wrongful death 
suit explained.
Interestingly enough I WAS handled "just like we would do one of our own"
Metro was involved in a number of officer involved debacles and was in midst 
of a "purge" which was needed but didn't help my handling at all.
I was dazed for days and if I ever forget the feeling and want it back I need 
only play the hours of videoon 3  stations for one week.
One quirk followed another SNAFU
Coroners report showed he was stabbed twice press pursued that rather 
agressively(during takedown he "bounced" once.
He never moved under his own power again, and I'll never forgwet his death 
rattle.
Afte a  while I developed a manner to deal with it, mostly "humor".
Possibly worst reminder was a teletpe from another division congratulating me 
on "doing my duty".
I realize now that we are NOT trained in how todeal with this situation.
Callousness and poor wording choice doesn't heklp
In IL my department is #3 on LE memorial after ISP and East St. Louis.
csx lost one in 92 in hazard ky---beaten to death in his own squad be a 
junker.
we normally arec the victims...
Thganks for asking... good therapy.
I kept no papers or other reminders just tape and memories and what baggage 
is left
no true bill 2 months later, never q wrongful death suit  
--- Maximus 3.01
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