I think I've been sort of prickly lately (if that is
a word...if it's not it is a word I've used as has
my therapist) and don't have the patience to deal
with some of the stuff that I could normally just
shrug off. Too much of the stuff I'm dealing with
is just too traumatic.
A friend called from church. Made a comment that I
must have been gone a lot this past week, as if that
were a crime or something. I simply told her that I
had been seeing my therapist 3x a week and had other
doctor appointments as well.
Anyway, keeping in mind that I'm not sure just
where these comments occurred chronologically in
the conversation, it was one that I simply had no
patience with.
After asking me how I was and me saying that I was
dealing with the issues the best that I know how
(she knew that I was dealing with abuse issues in
addition to the health issues, but that was about
it), she made a comment that I needed to remember
that there were always people worse off than I was.  I
told her NO, I didn't have to keep that in mind. That
I learned early on in therapy that there are always
people worse off than ours. Just because there are
doesn't mean that we don't feel our pain and shouldn't
feel it.  (I had another friend who I told about this
give a major bravo. She said years ago I would have
argued around in circles about this and it was
certainly appropriate for me to say what I did...my
therapist thought the same).
Anyway, I know she wasn't exactly thrilled to hear
that. Then she said that she had been abused as a child
but was too "stupid" (her word) to know that it had
been abused, but that she simply moved on.  The implication
being that I was spending too much time dealing with
this.
Well, I told her that I couldn't simply move on when
many of my behaviors are rooted in the abuse. Then
when abuse happens from the time one is 5  until
the sometime in high school, it takes time to work through.
It was then that she mentioned that she was raped.
My thoughts, although I didn't mention them because
I am in no way saying that a rape is easy to deal with,
was that I wouldn't have been in therapy 8 years
dealing with a rape. That there is no comparison
between that and what I'm dealing with and even if
there were we all heal differently.
I know she wasn't particularly happy with me when she
hung up.
Then I got a letter from my pastor's wife today. I haven't
looked up the verse yet, and she knows as well, in 
general terms, that I am dealing with abuse issues, but
to be honest now is not the time to tell me to read a verse
and meditate on it. The only verse I've been thinking about
is the one that says that nothing can separated us from the
love of God...and then reminding myself that my anger nor
I could separate me from God's love. I had another person
ask me if I was spending time in the bible. I told her
no. I couldn't deal with it right now. That I was only
recently able to listen to Christian music again.  I'm
still dealing with anger. And she talked about not dwelling
on stuff.  Good grief, it's not as if I had much of a
choice with the post traumatic stress and flashbacks!
When a friend dropped by his kids 'cuz I had a project
I wanted to do with them for their mother for mother's
days he noticed that I was still really shaking even
though the last memories didn't come up since last night.
I'm still struggling!
Anyway, it's been one hell of a day!
Wendy
@>-->---
... Only those named Pat are entitled to give "pat" answers!
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
--- Maximus 3.01
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