Thanks again for your prayers.  I am curious about something.  Your 
messages origin line comes from "St. Judes' House O.S.P. San Antonio 
Texas".  This would probably be better answered via net-mail, if you 
have it, as it's WAY off topic, but what precisely IS St. Judes' House,
if you don't mind my asking?  If you do, just ignore it.  I am curious 
because I was allegedly named after this St.  It was allegedly due to 
my birth-mother not being able to have kids and doing a novena to said 
being, then ending up with me.  But when she got mad she'd say that she
named me after this person because he was the saint of hopeless cases 
and I was a hopeless case.  (Spiritual abuse?)
I tend to believe that most of the time, although I work hard at trying
not to.
I had an insight today that really surprised me.  I realized that 
Suicide is NOT an act of powerlessness, as someone had said to me 
yesterday - someone at a meeting, who was in an even WORSE space than I
am, apparently.  It is the last act that a person who feels totally 
helpless has to fight back and to lash out.  It is an act of anger and 
perhaps even rebellion.   
I think I have come to that conclusion because just about everyone I 
have ever known in recovery who has attempted this rather ultimate act 
is someone who has been a battered wife or a survivor of some severe 
childhood abuse or something pretty brutal, who had no other way to 
fight back or ask for help.  
This scares me and I don't no why, except that I understand where they 
are coming from so well - perhaps because of my own past.
But that rather blew me away, all in all.
--- TriToss (tm) Professional 1.0 - (Unregistered)
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