This was sent to me and I think it great.
Is it true? don't know but I would like to think so.


To the Guy Who Tried to Mug my lady friend and I in downtown Portland night
before last.Date: 2009-04-13,  3:43AM

   I was the white guy with the brown Barberry jacket that you demanded I
hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend as we
were walking down the sidewalk minding our own business. I'd like to
apologize.

I didn't expect you  to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after
handing you my jacket.Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
evening, remember, it wasn't that cold outside.

 You see, my girlfriend had bought me that new Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for my birthday, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when
pointed at your head, isn't it?  My, what an enormous hole that barrel is,
right?I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your
pants.

 I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes,
phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your
buddies to come help you try to mug us again now could I?

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had
her listed in your cell phone, and explaining to her your situation. I also
bought myself and four other people inthe gas station this morning a tank
full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor  home took 150
gallons and was extremely grateful.

I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's,
along with all of the cash in your wallet.  I threw the wallet in a fancy
pink  "pimp mobile" that was double parked at the curb after I
broke the windshield and side window out. I also keyed the drivers side
with a big "Happy Face".

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They'll be on
your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the
line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't
know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off
your service.

 I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one
to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed. We had had a long chat.
(I guess while he traced the number).I wiped my prints off the phone and
tossed it through the 8 x 16 foot plate glass window of the downtown ACLU
office.  I'm sure they'll get it back to you very quickly.  I'd also like
to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home
humiliated..I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life.
Next time you might not be so lucky.

P.S. Remember this motto.......  an armed society is a polite society!

--- Thunderbird 2.0.0.21 (Windows/20090302)