-> About that people pleasing, then there is the point in recovery where
-> you get so detached that you just don't give a darn about anyone
-> else - which also turned out to be wrong for me.
->          I am talking about BALANCE.
-> That is what I find hard. Either I have slammed my defenses down and
-> put my walls up so high that some people just can never get near me
-> again or I am trusting someone I hardly know completely and that's
-> wrong for me too.
Oooooh, my friend, you are sure tellin' my story!! I have a really hard
time with finding this balance between enough self-protection and
enough gentleness/openness. Self-protection is imperative for me as a
recovering doormat, but I am a profoundly social person too, and it's
a real tightwire act sometimes, especially with men.
This is one place where the technical (as opposed to theological) aspect
of the Craft has helped me: good wards and shields of the magickal sort
allow me to lower my psychological shields a little more than I formerly
could without losing all my sense of safety.
It's sort of a psychological and spiritual analog of what happened
when my job working with violent mental patients required me to learn
a nonviolent but extremely effective system of physical self-defense.
Knowing I was protected in that way allowed me a confidence and
gentleness with patients that made me a better therapist; I was willing
to get in closer and really engage in a friendly way with angry or
fearful patients, because I was less afraid of getting knocked on
my ass.
The balance is still something I struggle with, though. Thanks for
bringing it up.
--- WILDMAIL!/WC v4.11 
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