NOTE: This Message was originally addressed to Tom Mckeever
      from Rmauro@delphi.com and was forwarded to you by Tom Mckeever
                           --------------------
From:         RMAURO@DELPHI.COM
To:           Multiple recipients of list POLIO 
Date:         Sun, 28 May 1995 13:53:36 -0400
Subject:      Dr. Happy
 
How many times have you gone to a shrink or a counselor and found
him/her totally insensitive and totally unaware of how to help,
react to, or listen to a person with a disability?  What we need
are more shrinks and counselors with disabilities or, at least,
more shrinks or counselors with an awareness of the impact of a
disability on men and women.  Could Dr. Happy be the answer?
Hmmmm...
 
                  DR. HAPPY TELLS IT ALL TO YOU
          AND SAYS EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO HEAR
                         By Robert Mauro
                   (c) 1995 by Robert A. Mauro
                       All Rights Reserved
 
Setting:  A typical shrinks office.  Well, almost.  No
          couch, but plenty of books by Freud, Adler,
          Jung, Philip Roth, Erica Jong
          and...er...Dr. Ruth.  There are tattered,
          well-used copies of National Lampoon and MAD
          Magazine everywhere.  On the wall over
          DR. HAPPY's desk is a dark and terrifying
          painting by Hieronymus Bosch.  DR. HAPPY has
          impishly pasted little yellow Smile faces on
          all the heads of all the tormented and damned
          souls in Bosch's horrific depiction of Hell.
          Loud laughter and uncontrolled giggling can be
          heard coming from DR. HAPPY's waiting room,
          where the comedy cable channel plays
          continuously.
 
Costumes: DR. HAPPY wears jeans, a bright red blazer with
          a yellow Smile face over left breast pocket.
          Funny glasses with eye-balls on springs are
          optional.  YOU are dressed casually, with
          tissues hanging out of each pocket.
 
At Curtain Rise:    YOU (a disabled person)
                    enter, pull a tissue from
                    your pocket, and blow your
                    nose very loudly and then
                    dry your tears.  It is
                    your first time here.  As
                    usual, you are miserable.
 
DR. HAPPY (Making funny faces): SOooo...has your disability got
you down?
 
YOU  (Blubbering):  Yes.
 
DR. HAPPY:  Well, what do you expect?  Hmmmm?
 
YOU  (Surprised at DR. HAPPY's empathy): Huh?
 
DR. HAPPY:  I mean, who wouldn't be miserable?  People stare at
you, put barriers in your way, won't have sex with you, make you
deal with idiotic bureaucrats.  And then there are all those
insensitive, right-wing Republicans!  Is it any wonder you are
miserable?
 
YOU  (Pounding your fists on DR. HAPPY's desk):  Yes!  Yes!  Doc,
you are right!
 
DR. HAPPY:   Of course, I'm right!  I didn't spend years studying
at City College, Harvard, the Sorbonne, and hours watching and
listening to Dr. Ruth on TV and the radio for nothing!
 
YOU  (Beginning to actually smile):  And here I thought I was the
crazy one!
 
DR. HAPPY:  Nonsense!  You are perfectly sane!  Everyone else is
nuts!
 
YOU:  So I don't need any drugs?  A lobotomy?  Shock therapy?
 
DR. HAPPY  (Waving his hand in the air as if to say, "No, no!"):
You are one of the lucky ones.  You came to me before your misery
got the best of you.  However, there is something we do have to do
to end your pain.
 
YOU:  Will it hurt?
 
DR. HAPPY:  Not at all!  The solution to your problem is really
quite simple.
 
YOU:  Simple?
 
DR. HAPPY:  And painless.
 
YOU:  Painless?
 
DR. HAPPY:  Absolutely!
 
YOU:  What is it?  (Skeptical)  Oh, I get it.  You're going to get
away from it all.  Is that it?  Take a vacation?  Go on a cruise?
 
DR. HAPPY:  No, no!  My goodness!  Nothing that drastic!  Or
expensive!
 
YOU:  So...what do we do to end my misery?
 
DR. HAPPY:  As we both know, you are not the problem.  It is this
insensitive world.  Have you noticed how everyone is obsessively
concerned with things like a good tan, the right hair style, or
just which piece of exercise equipment to buy?
 
YOU:  Well...not exactly.
 
DR. HAPPY:  Aha!  There you see!
 
YOU:  See?  What?
 
DR. HAPPY:  I guess that is why I am the Dr. Happy, and you are
the Mr. [or Ms.]  Miserable.
 
YOU:  I guess.
 
DR. HAPPY:  Ya.  Well, there you go.  Now on to the root of your
problem.  Your utter misery.  (Possibly adjusting his glasses)
You see, not very many people who are miserable have noticed this
plague of insensitivity and self-centeredness that is raging out
there.  Creeping Republicanism, I like to call it.  But that is
but the tip of the iceberg.  Total insensitivity and utter
selfishness is the real kicker.  Ya!  These are what is eating
away at everyone's mental stability.
 
YOU:  So what can I do about it, Doc?
 
DR. HAPPY:  Nothing!  That is my job!  You just relax.
 
YOU:  But shouldn't I accept blame for my misery?
 
DR. HAPPY  (Standing up in shock):  What?!  Why?!  Did you create
your misery?  (Sitting down)
 
YOU:  Er...well...I don't know.  I'm sort of confused.  That's why
I'm here, I guess.
 
DR. HAPPY:  Bingo!  But never fear.  You've come to the right
place.
 
YOU:  So...am I going to get well?  Feel happy again?  Less
miserable?
 
DR. HAPPY:  Absolutely!
 
YOU:  But...how?  Are you going to give me a lobotomy?
 
DR. HAPPY:  No, no, no!  We are going to give everyone else a
lobotomy!  (Laughing somewhat eccentrically)  They are the crazy
ones!  You are just some poor schumck who has been abused by their
selfishness.  Their insensitivity!  YOU are not the problem.  So
how do you feel now?  Hmmmm?
 
YOU  (Looking around, thinking):  Er...well...a bit better.
(Standing or straightening up, happier)  I feel a lot less
guilty.  (Looking DR. HAPPY in the face)  Actually, Doc, I feel a
whole lot less guilty.  In fact, I'm beginning to feel pretty darn
terrific!  (Sitting down, taking out wallet, check book, Medicaid,
Medicare, and Social Security Cards and attempting to hand them to
DR. HAPPY)  Doc, what do I owe ya?
 
DR. HAPPY (Waving everything away):  Forget it!  This one's on
me.
 
YOU:  Hey, great!  Thanks, Doc!  (Putting everything away)
 
DR. HAPPY:  Don't mention it.  It's my treat.
 
YOU  (Getting up or preparing to leave):  So, can I call you if I
get down in the dumps again?
 
DR. HAPPY  (Standing, patting YOU lovingly on back):  Any time!
Any day!  I'm always here.  But I want you to take this.  (Handing
YOU a copy of MAD Magazine)  This will really crack you up!
Oooops!  Just kidding!  (As the CURTAIN FALLS, YOU exit blowing
your nose loudly and drying your tears...of laughter and
happiness)
 
                            CURTAINS
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