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From: Miles Maxted 
Date: Tue, 23 Dec 03 17:12:02 +0100
Subject: Different Xmas !
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What ho, Heather,

Knowing of your personal predelictions for poetry, prosecutions 
and the pursuit of person or persons unknown,  I hope this 
unconsidered trifle what I stumbled over this morning does not 
offend...

 An Ebonics Christmas Poem:

Wuz de nite befo Cristmus;
And all owber da hood;
ereybody wuz' sleepin';
Dey wuz sleepin' good.

We hunged up our stockings;
An hoped like de' heck;
That old Santa Clause;
Be bringin' our welfar check.

All o'de fambily;
Wuz layin in de beds;
While Ripple and Thunderbird;
Danced through dey heads.

I passed out onna' flo;
Right nex to my Dog;
When I heard such a fuss;
I thunk: "It mus be de Law!!!"

I looked out thru de burglar bars;
What covered my door;
'spectin' de Sheriff;
Wif a Warrent fo sho.

And what did I see;
I said, "Lawd look at dat!!"
Ther' wuz a huge watermellon;
Pulled by giant warf rats!!

Now ober all de years;
Santa Clause, he be white;
But it looks liken us bros;
Gets a black Santa dis nite.

Faster dan a Po'lees car;
My home boy he came;
He whupped on dem warf rats;
An' called dem by name!

On Leroy, on 'Lonzo ;
And on Willie Lee;
On Saphire, on Chenequa;
Dey wuz a site to see!!

As he landed dat watta' mellon;
Out der in da street;
I knowed it was fo' sho';
Da damndest site I ebber did see.

He didn't go down no chimbley;
He picked da' lock on my door;
An' I sez to myself;
"Shit!! He done dis befoe!!!"

He had dis big bag;
Full of prezents I 'xpect;
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold;
To wear roun' my neck.

But he left no good prezents;
Jus started stealing my sh*t;
Got my drugs, got my guns,
Even got my burglar's kit!!

Wit my stuff in de bag;
Out da window he flewed;
I woudda' tried to catched him;
But he stoled my 'knife too!!

He jumped on dat wadda' mellon;
An' whipped out a switch;
He wuz gone in a seccon';
Dat son of a bitch!!

Next year I be hopin':
Anutha Sanna we git;
Cuz' diz here Santa Clause;
Jus' ain't werf a sh*t!!!

___-

With thanks to George Vandervort of fidonet 1:382/8 whose tagline 
went ... How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?  From a catalog!

:-))