TIP: Click on subject to list as thread! ANSI
echo: fidopols
to: Steven Horn
from: Lawrence Garvin
date: 2002-09-17 18:34:44
subject: Final P5 draft

Steven wrote to Bob at 19:43 15 Sep:

 SH> Sorry.  It's not for sale.:-)

SH>  SH> "... volunteers.  From its early beginning in 1984 as a
network of a
SH>  SH> few friends in the United States swapping messages back and 
SH>  SH> forth, it has developed into a global network."

 BS> How's this:

 BS> ... volunteers.  Beginning with a few friends exchanging messages
 BS> in 1984, FidoNet has grown into a global network consisting of
 BS> thousands of nodes. 

 SH> That loses the American origin of the network and continues to use
 SH> a figure which may become inaccurate.  But I could live with this:

 SH> "Beginning with a few friends in the United States exchanging
 SH> messages in 1984, FidoNet has grown into a global network."


Grammatical change... and voice change...

"Fidonet began in 1984 with a few friends in the United States
exchanging messages and has grown into a global network."

All of the former suggestions were written in passive voice. I much prefer
the active voice.

Also, the adjective phrase "in 1984" belongs adjacent to the
word(s) it is modifying.

--- 
* Origin: lawrence{at}eforest.net | The Enchanted Forest (1:106/6018)
SEEN-BY: 10/3 17/1 67 106/2000 6018 109/568 114/59 128/148 187 139/625 140/0
SEEN-BY: 140/1 2 16 31 153/307 7715 221/0 236/150 244/1111 250/501 252/171
SEEN-BY: 270/1000 292/100 854 297/11 342/5 348/105 633/267 270 757/1 772/1
SEEN-BY: 772/10 30 2613/118 3828/7
@PATH: 106/6018 140/1 772/1

SOURCE: echomail via fidonet.ozzmosis.com

Email questions or comments to sysop@ipingthereforeiam.com
All parts of this website painstakingly hand-crafted in the U.S.A.!
IPTIA BBS/MUD/Terminal/Game Server List, © 2025 IPTIA Consulting™.