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| subject: | Final P5 draft |
Steven wrote to Bob at 19:43 15 Sep: SH> Sorry. It's not for sale.:-) SH> SH> "... volunteers. From its early beginning in 1984 as a network of a SH> SH> few friends in the United States swapping messages back and SH> SH> forth, it has developed into a global network." BS> How's this: BS> ... volunteers. Beginning with a few friends exchanging messages BS> in 1984, FidoNet has grown into a global network consisting of BS> thousands of nodes. SH> That loses the American origin of the network and continues to use SH> a figure which may become inaccurate. But I could live with this: SH> "Beginning with a few friends in the United States exchanging SH> messages in 1984, FidoNet has grown into a global network." Grammatical change... and voice change... "Fidonet began in 1984 with a few friends in the United States exchanging messages and has grown into a global network." All of the former suggestions were written in passive voice. I much prefer the active voice. Also, the adjective phrase "in 1984" belongs adjacent to the word(s) it is modifying. ---* Origin: lawrence{at}eforest.net | The Enchanted Forest (1:106/6018) SEEN-BY: 10/3 17/1 67 106/2000 6018 109/568 114/59 128/148 187 139/625 140/0 SEEN-BY: 140/1 2 16 31 153/307 7715 221/0 236/150 244/1111 250/501 252/171 SEEN-BY: 270/1000 292/100 854 297/11 342/5 348/105 633/267 270 757/1 772/1 SEEN-BY: 772/10 30 2613/118 3828/7 @PATH: 106/6018 140/1 772/1 |
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