Hi Tim,
-=> Quoting Tim Dill to Sober Swede <=-
 TD> Ahh there is why You may have missed it
 TD> it went to your real name...
 TD> Area:    RECOVERY
 TD> Date:    10 Oct 95  09:45:06  Public 
 TD> From:    Tim Dill                                          
 TD> To:      Andrea Fleishman                                  
 TD> Subject: Echo                                                        
    Now this is going to get confusing.  If you send mail to me at 
Recovery...that goes to Knight Moves here in Rochester.  That one will take 
my 
real name.  In fact right now my alias isn't even listed yet.  Andrea gets to 
me.  If you mail to me in the 12 Step echoes to Rochester Exchange you HAVE 
to 
use Sober Swede because his board is set up that way.  My alias is in there 
and 
it won't mail to or from my real name.  If you mail anything to the "company" 
address I sent to you then it should come through the internet and should 
come 
to my computer at work.  I'm not sure how that is all set up.  There's a hub 
that sends Internet mail thru' and I don't know if that will make it through 
either because Microsoft mail is having problems.
 TD> Nothing that needs to get done today seems to ever get finished
 TD> today.. manan~a is my motto.. I have had to make time to even unwind
 TD> this past  weekend up at my dad's place because I realized that I have
 TD> had no "free" weekend since July.
 
    I understand that more now.  Time is so valuable and with working the 
weekend is filled up with cleaning the house, cooking extra for the coming 
week 
and trying to do all the things I used to do all day before I began working.  
I 
don't have the time to spend on the computer anymore either.  This is miss 
very 
much because I don't get to talk to all my friends here as I used to.  Also I 
had time before to learn computers and new programs.  Now I'm lucky tohave 
any 
learning time at all.  I have to keep this up too because they are depending 
on 
me for just this at work.  I'm one of the few on the floor that know the PC 
and 
can solve problems that they are running into with the new programs.
The tension is heavy there too.  And coming home *very* tired.  Tonight I 
didn't
get out of work until late.  I had wanted to leave early because it's our 
anniversary today.  We got married 33 years ago.  Doens't seem possible.  The 
tension has been bad at times at home too.  He has to do a lot of the cooking 
now because I'm coming home so late.  I leave 2 hours before him in the a.m. 
and
come home at least 1 hour later.  It's tough on him.  I think also he feels 
bad 
that I'm supporting us.  I keep praying that this isn't going to start him 
drinking again.  He's been pretty good so far.  We go out to dinner every 
Friday
night and he drinks then.  Usually 1 or 2 beers or 1 martini.  I think he's 
trying to *prove* to me that he can handle the alcohol so I won't say no to 
him 
bringing it into the house.  I WILL NOT go back to him sitting here drinking 
every night.  i'm thinking of going to Alanon meetings too.  It might help at 
this point.  But I'm having enough trouble just keeping my head above water 
(or 
above the booze mark) working so hard, long days, and a lot ofresponsibility. 
Today was a dead run day, all day.  I ate lunch on the fly and was still 
writing
disks and CD's after 5 when I should have left for home.  Being tired, I 
think, 
is a very big enemy of sobriety.  As long as I have support from my husband I 
can handle it all.
 
 TD> Of course it's the (Blech) windows version, I have at home the
 TD> original ver 1.0 through 1.4 dos update disks and I found that far
 TD> easier to use than the windows version.. the disks were given to me
 TD> since I was the one who's name is on the registration when the club
 TD> switched to the Windows version..
    I've only used the Win version of it.  There are several things I don't 
like.
 
  TD> No different than the opposite side of the house, Maid, Mother, Crone
 TD> aspects of the multitudinous goddess deities.. and then the Male
 TD> aspect could be the same as you believe, I leave room for it just in
 TD> case you are right and I am wrong.. you see I can only see what I am
 TD> allowed to see at this moment in time.. it could change this month or
 TD> not at all I allow it it's own will to grow and change as needed to
 TD> keep me grounded and sober.
         You sound a bit confused at this point.  That's understandable if 
you 
can't find a way to find where you are in your belief.  We all have our 
doubts. 
I have simplified my own feelings on it and have trouble with some of the 
"orthadox" rituals.  I guess I'm old-fashioned enough to retain what I was 
brought up with because it makes sense to me still.  I think we're all 
looking 
for that entity that makes the world work, the people who and what we are.  
God,
the Father, is very simple for me.  I can relate to Him, I can discuss things 
with Him.  And I feel that my help and strength are coming from that source. 
When you get right down to the logic of it...maybe we're all wrong and when 
it's
over...it's over.  But if it's correct then we will meet with that when life 
on 
this plane finishes and we begin another.  I feel that there is a basic 
source 
of good feelings, both towards myself and dealings with others.  I can have 
feelings of love and sharing with others, kindness and support for others 
that I
didn't have before AA and I sorted out so many of my deep feelings.  It's 
been 
an interesting but difficult process.  We've all gone thru' it.  I wans't 
doing 
that before I began with AA.  I was sober but I wasn't handling my problems. 
Not doing anything about the basic need for seclusion in the bottle.  AA has 
made me look at it ALL.  I couldn't hide anymore.  The healing that has come 
out
of it has been a miracle.
 TD> Tis true, no matter that what we call our power, whether JHVH or
 TD> Yaweh or Ariada or Pan or even as a friend of mine puts it "great
 TD> spirit" this just points the way to the top of the tree of life.. and
 TD> any of us that know of what I speak that is called "Malkuth" or union
 TD> with god (small "g") of the central pillar of the tree. It can only be
 TD> indicated it cannot be defined.. so we try with images that everyone
 TD> of us sees  differently.. 
     Interesting thought.  No definition and each trying to find his/her 
definition of an ethereal entity.
 TD> I got 2 points shy of a B last test I took in Trig and am averaging a
 TD> C between the two tests I took.. Congrats on the idea of returning
 TD> to college. I have a 53 year old guy that sits in the front row here
 TD> in class and he is having an easier time of it that I am...
 
         Sounds good!  This must be hard work.  Don't know if I have the 
stamina
and/or time to do this.  But it's a big consideration at this point.
 TD> Hugs Tim...
   And back to you.  Talk to you again soon.
            God bless,  (is that still ok? :)   )
               Andrea
 
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